Christmas shopping

I had my Christmas shopping done several weeks ago. Yesterday, though, the boy volunteered us to shop for his Adopt-A-Family kids that his company is adopting. I love doing stuff like this, unfortunately the Target gods were against us.

Granted, I shouldn't expect much from Target on basically the weekend before Christmas. But good lord. I started pushing the cart through toy aisles for maybe 30 seconds before I was ready to buy the kids some socks and call it good. We stared at V-Tech toys for about 15 minutes and then argued in the baseball equipment aisle for another 15 about how it's not ridiculous that a disadvantaged family would be happy with a $20 baseball glove even though it was going to fall apart in a year and wouldn't make little Victor into the next MVP.

So after getting the glove, some baseballs and bases, we only needed a nightlight. Just a $1 nightlight seems like an easy task. But, it's like rush hour on the Interstate on a Friday afternoon. People push their carts without looking or park them in the middle of the aisle to wander off to another area of the store blissfully unaware that I am plotting to steal all their purses to teach them a lesson. We looked in furniture, lamps, lightbulbs, kids bedding, toys, small electrics... everywhere for a nightlight. By then the boy is asking me why I keep snapping at him. Because I am. He keeps making jokes and I keep glaring at him like he has caused this mayhem and forced me to come here against my will.

We found the nightlight. Next to camping equipment. Because that's what I want to do when I am sleeping in a tent under the stars - plug in a nightlight.

And then the boy bought me a Dr. Pepper for my troubles, and the world was once again OK.

A Decade Earlier

Dear Sarah of 1997,

This your future you, 10 years later. You just started high school. It's December now so you've finally figured out where the stairwells go in that ridiculous old building they call the East Campus. Even though they gave you two lockers, you'll only use one. You'll take a reading appreciation class and skip entire sections of Jane Eyre yet get 100 extra credit points for reading it. You're going to have good friends this year. Enjoy that. Stop being so dramatic.

High school will be easy for you. You'll end up skipping a lot of class your senior year because you can't convince yourself to go to class when you keep acing tests. You should go to class anyway because in college you'll need that motivation.

You won't have a lot of girl friends. They'll come and go each year. Appreciate the things they bring into your life and let them go when they let you down. Listen to your mom when she says these girls won't be your bridesmaids.

When that dark-haired boy tries to break up with you because you're going to college, LET HIM. You're fighting for a relationship that is ultimately going to rock you to your core. Sometimes letting go saves you from years of recovering from a broken heart and anger I couldn't convince you now that you're capable of.

You're going to envelope yourself with journalism. It's your passion. But believe what's written on the ceiling of your college newspaper newsroom - "newspapers will always break your heart." You're going to experience a lot of heartache and hard lessons in the unfairness of life. Please, please, please keep a journal so you can remember what happened later on.

A few other things to remember:

- Don't lie to your parents. It's going to ruin your relationship with them for a few years. Whatever you think is worth losing trust, is not. Also, when they tell you you can't drive because you are crying hysterically, for the love of god, listen.

- I know you don't think your college GPA is important because that won't be on your newspaper resume. Resist that belief. You will want to go to graduate school in 10 years and you will want a time machine to kick your own ass when you have to turn in your applications.

- You are skinny and beautiful. You just don't know how to pull it all together yet. Stop skipping meals. It's so unnecessary.

- Don't just study abroad for a month. Do it for a year or at least a semester. You won't miss out on things, you'll gain the most life-changing experiences of your life.

- It won't be as you imagined when you were younger. After college you'll go through several jobs and several abusive bosses. You will cry in your car after work for weeks on end. But you will make it through it. You'll lose direction, gain confusion but will endure it all with grace.

- Stop spending your money on shit. You'll want it later and wish there was a 10-year return policy.

- Your future red Mustang is SO cool except when you are digging it out of Minnesota snow, or getting it stuck a the bottom of a driveway because it's rear wheel drive. Buy a Honda Civic instead especially if you can get a hybrid. Do you even know what that is?

I know that in the next decade you're going to wonder if it all will ever come together. You're going to wonder if you'll ever find your soulmate, if you'll ever be excited on your way to work or if your parents will approve of it all.

Consider this letter a big hug to let you know it's going to be OK. You will be beautiful inside and out. You aren't going to figure out your career right away but your life will become bigger than what you do for money. You're not going to get married after college but you'll be grateful that you didn't.

You'll find someone that eliminates the trust issues you thought you had. You won't have to ask him how he feels because he always tells you. When you fight, you won't have that stomach ache worried he's reconsidering. This is how it's supposed to be.

So be brave, stop worrying, and never forget who you are.

Love, your future you.

How I Have Become a Housewife (without actually being a wife)

In the month I have not blogged, I have become a bonafide housewife. Considering I once was the opposite of such a description, this is quite a development.

First, I found a boyfriend with whom I unofficially live with. Unoffically meaning I still pay a large percentage of my nonexistant income to my landlord for an apartment I use to store my furniture, clothes I should probably give away and a place to pick up my mail once a week.

Next, I fell in love with this boy which compelled me to start doing things like make dinner, and not just heating up something from a box. Luckily, said boy is much more ambitious and happy in the kitchen than me. As the love grew, so did my desire to bake cookies for no reason.

Thirdly, I quit my job from hell giving me more time for housewifery. A good indication that you made the right decision in quitting your job is when you quit and you realize you are 500 pounds lighter and you quit contemplating running your car into ditches.

Without the job, there is a lot of time for things like laundry, loading and unloading the dishwasher, taking the dog for a walk, preparing dinner, driving two suburbs away to bring the boy the black tie he forgot before his business lunch and decorating the Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

I did find a new awesome job, however it means I get to work from home, which is no doubt going to lead to more domestic activity. The last two days, the boy has come home from work only to find me on the couch watching Rachel Ray's 30-Minute Meals.

What happens when I am stressssed with four s's

I start emailing people that don't have any clue what I am saying. Like "here are those jpegs you asked for?" They did not ask me for anything yet I am sending random crap to people because I can't keep track of who is asking me for what.

I start sleeping at my desk. However, it's rained 16 of the last 18 days here and it's dark by 2 p.m. Anyone would smack their forehead on their keyboard every other hour under those conditions anyway right?

I get really irritable. For example, "Sarah, are you there? I don't have much service." me: "God, yes. Just talk."

Running and eating cease to exist. One day this week I had a bagel, yogurt and some snap peas. For the whole day.

I start losing things. This morning it was pouring rain and I looked for a good 20 minutes for the two umbrellas I had yesterday. Didn't find them. My apartment is clean and is only 450 square feet. This is not possible. I also lost my keys but after 10 minutes I found them. Sitting on my couch. In plain sight.

When I leave work, it's dark and there is no rush hour traffic.

Rice part of Nobel Prize-winning group - Today's News

Rice part of Nobel Prize-winning group - Today's News

Happy

"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best," and then he had to stop and think. Because although eating honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called. ~A.A. Milne

Deja vu

I am sitting in the same Starbucks where this happened.

Funny.

Also, there are bank robbers on the loose. Better run fast and extra intimidating in the morning.

Diamonds and pink

I don't know the names of diamond settings. Jo was talking about one today and I had to ask "um, is that a diamond?" I think a big diamond would be really annoying to have wear the rest of my life. You can't take it off but I would probably snag all my clothes or something. Or scratch my face. "What's that on your face?"... "Oh, just a bleeding reminder I am engaged/married."

I think I'd rather wear a white dress with lots of red accents on it rather than pure white. I'd rather just have long, curled hair than all tangled up in a tiara and flowers. I'd rather have ice cream cake than traditional wedding cake. I'd rather have a huge game of Cranium than the Dollar Dance. But I still want the dollars. There can be roses or tulips at my wedding, but under no circumstances will a carnation or daisy set foot in the church. Nor is the Macarena or Hokey Pokey allowed. The Electric Slide is OK.

I am high-maintenance. But not in the traditional girl kind of way. More in the "STOP TOUCHING MY FACE" way.

Marathon report

The inline marathon in Duluth was super cold, super windy, much slower but fun. Start time it was a temperature in the 30s with a wind chill in the 20s. After a few miles, there was a definite headwind. The cold wasn't so bad except my legs felt tight and my hands were swollen from the cold. The course was beautiful along the lake and rocks.

I didn't beat my St. Paul time last year but considering the cold, wind and my being out of town the majority of the last month or so I am not disappointed. It was so much fun, and I am glad my parents could be there, cowbell and all.

Fantasy moment

After doing some work in San Diego, I went on a long jog (Ok, long for me) on this path by the San Diego river past luxury condos then changed into my swimsuit and spent the next few hours swimming and laying out in PERFECT 75-degree weather.

I got back to my hotel only to have wine and cheese delivered to my room by a cute boy who taught me how to open my wine with a cheap corkscrew. So there I was drying my hair, sipping white wine with my antique pearls around my neck.

It was at this moment I concluded that I most certainly am going to have to find a rich doctor or lawyer to marry because otherwise these moments will remain fantasies.

Rules for listservs

1. Do not EVER e-mail the whole list asking for the phone number or e-mail address to a common organization/business that has a Web site and could have been found out through Google in 25 seconds.

2. If you do accidentally e-mail the whole list with a personal message to one person and you avoid the well-deserved stoning, do NOT immediately e-mail back the whole list and say "oops. sorry."

3. No e-mails with content that solely includes any of the following: "Thank you." "I agree." "Great!" "I'm printing/saving this." "Haha." "Me too."

4. No message with more than 12-point font.

5. One exclamation point or question mark only. !!!!!! does not convey excitement, only stupidity.

6. If your question starts out with "I know we talked about this last week" that is exactly when you should stop typing and hit delete.

21 miles and counting

I skated 21.3 miles at semi-marathon speed tonight. I ate a third of a Clif Bar before I skated and then on my 18th mile tired PowerBar gel. I wanted to test it out before the marathon so I knew it wouldn't make me spew.

Luckily it worked, I got a little shaky but then it was just renewed energy. I had the stamina but my quads were killing me so I stopped at my seventh time around the lakes.

Best part though was this speed skater (who had the biggest calves ever) I was keeping up with for a short time passed me, and he said "You are skating very strong. You're a little power house"

MY LIFE IS AWESOME TODAY

These were delivered to me at work. Can you hear me smiling from here?

20-something queries

I don't know why because I am bordering on being closer to 30 than 20 that everyone needs to ask the same questions over and over. It's like high school graduation but more painful and neverending. At least I had an answer to "where are you going to college and what are you majoring in?"

Is there anyone special in your life?
Of course there are a lot of "special" people in my life. I am just not waking up next to them. This question really means, "are you getting married soon like everyone else we know?" No, I am not. The prospect of me in a white dress and shoving cake into someone's mouth is less nauseating than it was a year ago but it still just makes me queasy. My favorite followup to this is "well, have you tried online dating?" Nothing wrong with some match.com but it's like saying "well you better do something soon before your eggs dry up."

Do you want to have kids someday?
I am only 24. 2.4. That's too young. I am still at the point of eating only toast and green beans for dinner because that's all I have and I am too lazy to go to the grocery store. Clearly, I am not ready to take care of another human being especially one that eats digusting things like strained peas.

Are you surviving winters up north?
Ok this isn't related to my age. But I haven't traveled anywhere without people commenting on what must be my great inner strength for not dying when it snows or is bitterly cold. The truth is we know how to do winter up here. My car does not but at least the streets are clear. No one's car does well when there are 10 inches of snow blocking your car door. And I still want to stay in bed rather than face the prospect of my face freezing off when I walk to my car. So I am surviving in a seasonal affective disorder kind of way.

Small towns

I'm home in Kansas. I went to the grocery store in a wrinkled Cheerios t-shirt, pajama shorts and flip flops. On top of that I had no makeup, my hair was still wet and I looked generally white trash.

In the 10 minutes it took me to walk from my car, buy everything on the list for my mom and walk back to my car, I saw three people I knew. A family friend of a friend, a guy from high school and a guy from college.

Oy.

Very real

I am used to (unfortunately) watching national tragedies play out on CNN. Usually I have been to the city, for a visit. Usually I am glued to the TV, online newspaper sites and blogs for at least a week. Reading the latest statistics, the causes for the tragedy, the investigations, the eye-witness reports.

But this time, I am watching it play out in the city where I live. On the bridge that I drive on at least four times a week. The route that takes me to Target, the grocery store, the airport, Twins games and home from work. I wasn't there when it happened, and it still seems like it's far away when I watch it on TV. But when I go home Sunday, it will all be very real.

By Sunday, everyone will be adjusting to the new traffic patterns after losing a main path through the city. Funerals will be scheduled. National news media will be starting to leave. But it will all be new to me. Seeing first hand that less than a mile from my apartment, just a few blocks from my work, a bridge just fell down. That's not supposed to happen.

Just a normal Target run...

I go to this questionable Target because it's close to my apartment and the Interstate to get there isn't torn into pieces like the luxury Target shopping center north of me. I never leave the questionable Target or adjacent questionable grocery store without a story.

Location: Walking toward the cleaning supplies

Large man with dreds and shades: "Heeeeey there girl. You've got yourself some sexy legs."

Me: "Um, thanks"

Man: "Can you stop and talk to me for a minute. ... Too busy?"

Me: "Yeah, sorry."


Location: Checkout registers

Man: "Sure you don't want this number?" (pointing to his cell phone)

Me: "Yep, sure."

Man: "Come on. I want to give you some nigga love. I'll take care of you."

Funny how life works...

Amazing how life can go from this:


and this:


and this:



to this:

in less than 8 hours.

The training begins

I'm signed up for the North Shore Inline Marathon. Yes, 26.2 miles. It's the biggest inline marathon in the U.S. with 4,000 skaters along the shore of Lake Superior from Two Harbors to Duluth, Minnesota.


My goals are:

1. Don't fall.

2. Finish faster than my time in the St. Paul marathon last year.

Why everyone should hate Rupert Murdoch

Sleeping patterns

11 p.m. I am tired, I should go to bed.

Midnight: Ok, really going to bed now.

12:30 a.m.: Oh my god, I can't breathe. I have now sneezed 400 times in a row, snot is dripping down my face and my throat is closing up. I am going into anaphalytic shock for sure. I wonder how long it will take for someone to find me dead.

1 a.m. Moving to the couch where there is less cat hair, more circulation. Get clean sheet, breathe through wet washcloth on face which is more succesful than the two Benadryl I have now taken.

5:45 a.m. WHY AM I AWAKE? There's a phone alarm going off. Nope, not my phone. It sounds like it's in this room though. What's going on? Why has it been going off for five minutes?

5:55 a.m. It's going off again. What's happening and why can't I think clearly? Look for old phone on the off chance it hasn't lost battery in a month without being used or turned on and somehow its alarm is going off. Pull all couch cushions off looking for mystery phone. Put ear against wall to see if it's my neighbors. Look in drawers of entertainment center. Obviously still heavily under the influence of Benadryl. Suddenly feel like I am in an Edgar Allen Poe story.

6 a.m. What is that sound? Crap, the power just went out despite the fact there is no lightning, thunder, rain, wind, tornados. I just read an article about squirrels getting caught in the wires and killing power. God, I hate squirrels. This means my fans are off. It's like 90 degrees already, and I have no air conditioning. I am just going to get up and go to work.

6:02 a.m. Oh my god. What's that sound? It's louder than a car alarm. Sounds like a security breach of some kind. Pretty sure no one is breaking into that shady bar at this hour.

6:03 a.m. Seriously consider that loud alarm is probably a carbon monoxide alarm. Remember that I have my own carbon monoxide detector but suddenly can't remember if I have put batteries in it since I moved 1.5 years ago. Consider going out into hallway to see if anyone else in my building seems concerned. Decide too tired/drugged to move. Would rather just die peacefully from CO poisoning.

6:04 Loud car alarm and phone alarm of unknown origin going off at same time.

6:07 a.m. Phone alarm

6:09 a.m. Car alarm

6:13 a.m. Both alarms

6:18 a.m. Still both alarms. Why does God hate me?

7:45 a.m. My own phone alarm, electricity back, fans going.

8:40 a.m. Arrive at work. Speech still slightly slurred from Benadryl.

Thin walls

The walls in this hotel are very thin and therefore I now know everything about the girl's life who is in the room next to me. If I were to meet her in person, I would promptly punch her in the face.

1. She hates her parents. She has "every right" to come visit her birthplace and not see them. Fuck, she could have been in London right now. She will "never ever ever come back here again" unless she stays in a hotel. This hotel by the way is the most beautiful hotel she has "EVER" stayed in "EVER."

2. She tried to commit suicide and was in a hospital bed and her parents didn't even bother to come see her even though she should have been dead. I mean, "they had a chance to save their daughter's life!"

3. Everyone talks about how insane her family is. No one can stand her mother.

4. She's 42. But talks like she's 13. Seriously. I mean, seriously! Like, whatever.

5. She steals hotel robes. She requests a second robe be brought up for a friend and then she steals one and "they never know!"

O'Hare Observations

I broke my cardinal rule for living in using alliteration in the title of this blog. At least it makes sense, unlike the new Manhattan Marketplace in my hometown. Marketplace implies charming or a market like atmosphere where people browse fresh veggies while sipping coffee on a warm Saturday morning. Either that or a Mexican market where you are aggressively bartering for cheap crap that you will of course immediately throw in the garage sale box upon return to the U.S. But this "marketplace" includes box stores (Best Buy) and... well, that's it right now. Furthering proving my point that the title of the shopping center was chosen soley for the cutesy coincidence of "look, they both start with M!"

My bag got searched this morning b/c they saw "wires and a time device" or from a more layperson's mind, a computer cord and watch. I oh so desperately wanted to make a bomb joke especially after the top-notch security man couldn't find my "time-keeping device" and concluded "well, you can go. You don't look like trouble." National security at its finest. Note to terrorists: Young, short women dressed professionally and carrying bright blue suitcases. The key to your next plot.

None of the above writing was even about O'Hare. That's what alliteration does to a person.

Back at the airport

This should just be a airport blog. The only time I can write I am in the airport waiting and waiting.

Right now there are about 20 eighth graders experimenting with their cell phone rings. Their chaperone, a large older man, is loudly telling this story about a plane being late. It's not an interesting story at all. A plane? Delayed? At O'Hare? What a ridiculous fantasy. He also just referred to the word "fuck" as the "F flipper."

Now they are surrounding me and taking pictures of each other but they do have to occasionally pause to check their text messages which keep beeping every five seconds.

If they are next to me on the plane, I am jumping out the window. I'll take my chances.

I *heart* New York

Highlights from my weekend in NYC where I am having a hard time not living.

1. The best sushi I've ever had topping my previous best in Portland. Sushi Haru on the Upper East Side. Salmon that melts in your mouth. Yum.

2. Trying on dresses on the UES where the ladies compliment you and make you feel gorgeous only to tell them you can't afford their $300 sundresses and have them suddenly turn into snobby bitches.

3. Staying out til 5 a.m. and seeing the sun rise while eating grilled cheese in a Bronx diner.

4. Having a Bronx 8th grader ask if I was M.'s sister because all white people look alike.

5. Tasti D Light chocolate pudding frozen yogurt with rainbow sprinkles.

6. Trying to decide if I am in the mood for Korean, Thai, Greek, Mexican, Italian or diner food... or if I want to walk to the next block.

Loooooove it.

This is not your personal office

I am sitting at the airport waiting to go to New York to see M., and there is an asshole across from me in the seating area on his phone headset. He is balancing his laptop on one knee and a notebook on the other. He is talking LOUDLY and in a tool-like manner saying things like "The tasks, Chuck, are fundamentally the same..." or "Chuck, I'll arrange a meeting with the principles in this deal." If that was annoying enough, he's excessively gesticulating.

I want to punch him in the face. This is not his personal office and everytime he motions with his chubby hands, it makes me want to reach out and slap them. The guy next to me just saw me staring this guy down, chuckled and signed really loudly.

Also, he's wearing New Balance tennis shoes, oatmeal colored jeans and a blue patterned shirt. Oddly though, his fingernails are clean and manicured and his beard is really well groomed.

"You bet, Chuck. You bet."

Bizarre racism

So Jo and I are walking down my street to my car and two black girls are in front of us talking about getting into an apartment by fumbling for keys and then hoping someone lets them in. At some point, one girl says something about "white girls." She turned around to us and said "Sorry, no offense to you girls." We smiled and we all keep walking down the street.

Then, at the corner, she turns around and says "I feel like I need to justify that comment. It's not like I am racist. It's just... I don't know... like you're the police." What?

If I would have said something like that, I would have gotten punched in the face.

The world at 5 a.m.

I had to take a friend to the airport this morning at 4 a.m. so I ended up just staying awake and being productive. I like the world a whole lot better at 5 a.m. Who knew?

There is no one on the interstates eliminating any road rage, excessive use of the blinker and the eventual merge.

There are crazy people (at least 20) lined up outside the gym waiting for it to open. I got there three minutes before it opened but these people obviously have this as part of their morning ritual. Why not just wait in your car instead of in a line in the rain? Still, I appreciate them for their intense dedication/insanity.

The ghetto discount grocery store is mostly free from shoppers that make me want carve my cucumber into a point for protection if anyone approaches my cart. Also I get to watch the manager go through sour cream containers already on the shelves and smell them. Luckily I don't ever buy sour cream because if I did, that would be the last time.

Coffee tastes a lot better when you've already been up five hours and you are so tired you keep forgetting where you are.

Overcoming fears

I am not a rollercoaster person. I have never technically been on one. The only rides I would ride at the county fair were the ferris wheel ... and well that's about it. I hate the tilt-a-whirl and the one time I rode the spinny, fast moving red thing, I cried and had a mini panic attack. I was 17.

Today I got free passes to go to Disneyland and the connecting adventure park. I did the Grizzly Water Run which was mildly out of my comfort zone because it included getting wet and some fairly big drops. We walked over to the new rollercoaster and I could feel my stomach at my ankles as I watched the cars spin around, upside down, in the outline of the Mickey face. I can imagine my neck snapping and my internal organs coming up in my throat. That one is eliminated because of the upside down action.

So we meander throughout the park and end up at the Tower of Terror. Me, thinking to myself: "No effing way. I have never and never will do something this scary." My plan is to stand in line and then bail out at the last second to watch. So at least I could say I almost did but not actually have the horrifying experience. The thing is, I kept looking at the other people in line and thinking they looked like a bunch of wimps and I was definitely much braver than them. While analyzing all of this, I forgot to bail.

After some stories about the Twlight Zone and a long drawn out process to make everyone incredibly antsy, you board an elevator which takes you to another elevator shaft where you sit down and they double check your seat belt and make you tighten it. It goes slow at first as the elevator creeps up. You see yourself disappear in the mirror like a ghost and all is fine. Then you start dropping random distances. Absolute free falling and stop, then falling again. Then you climb all the way back to the top, the doors open so you can see how high you are and then you just fall. 13 stories at 39 mph.

Scariest thing I have ever done. Hands down. My hands were still violently shaking 10 minutes later.

Sometimes I feel like my life is one big Tower of Terror ride. The feeling though, when the doors open, you take off your seatbelt and the doors open to a much safer place and you think "Oh my god, I think I made it," might be worth the terrifying, mind-erasing, paralyzing fear.

1^%$gt4e@#&

Boss: "Why didn't you share these documents with me?"

Me: "You're the one who gave them to me."

Boss: "Why didn't you copy them so I had a copy for this meeting?"

Me: "You are holding them in your hand right now. Why would I copy them?"

Boss: "OK, I will go make copies."

Me: "What? We both already have copies."

You can't even make this shit up.

Play pen

I parked right by the door today which means everyone who walks into the building can see what's inside my car if they are even half as nosy as me. This is what they would find:

- Two Shrek dolls from McDonalds Happy Meals
- A Sponge Bob Square Pants candy dispenser
- Melted chocolate eggs from Easter
- One running shoe
- Lots of sweaty socks from rollerblading
- A cat toy
- White tank top
- Starbucks cup
- Lots of bills

OH.MY.GOD.

http://www.fortwayne.com/mld/journalgazette/17172298.htm

"But as a Christian, he said, he also can’t deny that some actions are sinful, and sometimes it’s appropriate for a school board to comment on those issues.

“If there’s a lot of breakdown and problems in the schools, and much of those problems you could relate to the breakdown in the family, then anything that breaks the family structure down I think is not conducive to good learning,” Allgeier said."

WHAT? Are these homosexual students having sex in the middle of class? Because really that's the only way I could see being gay would be in the way of good learning.

The GRE and other useless knowledge

I'm taking the GRE at the end of the summer. At least that was the plan before I found out that I am really stupid, and definitely NOT smarter than a fifth grader. Note: I would never actually watch that god forsaken show with Jeff Foxworthy.

So like a good student, something I never was past 10th grade, I buy the Kaplan books for GRE overall test and math workbook. I start with the vocabulary section because usually words triumph over numbers in my brain, and I want to ease into this. WRONG. I get to words like this: speulchral, novitiate and vituperate. The first word reminds me of scepetor, which reminds me of a king holding a long stick. Second word? Looks like novia in Spanish, which means girlfriend. Vituperate means nothing to me.

New plan: Make flashcards with five new words everyday that I will learn to use in sentences for the rest of my summer. After yesterday's cards, I can do this:

Sarah will never be an ERUDITE graduate student. The mean boy ADULTERATED the innocent girl. The GRE test is an ENIGMA to me.

I would write about the fact that I can't even freaking add fractions let alone know what to do with exponents but I have to make more flashcards.

Missing college

I am home this weekend and for the first time in two years, I miss college. Not everything just small things like feeling the same thing as 22,000 people whether it is the stress of finals or the excitement of a home football game. I miss the way a Mac mouse feels in my hand, scanning through newspaper pages looking for errors.

I miss the way my bare feet feel running down the hill of my driveway at night to get something from my car. I miss walking to my car at 1 a.m. when campus is empty but in the distance you can still hear people yelling or music playing.

I miss the crappy wood floors of the newsroom. I miss the purple fridge and the STD-infested leather couch. I miss looking at the clock, seeing it is 11:30 p.m. and thinking it was so early.

Then I miss some big things like knowing what I want to do for the rest of my life and not being jaded by the reality of how all those ideals are going to play out when the real world gets involved.

Being at home is just as unsettling as it is comfortable because I ache for the things I wish I had done, had another year to see how they would turn out or just that time in my life that is just a big memory.

Better than home

So iHomes are the coolest things about new hotels. Not only do I get to listen to my own music but my ever-so-hard-to-charge iPod Nano is being charged round the clock.

The most uncool thing about new hotels are Murphy beds. I walked into my "parlor room" and couldn't find my freaking bed only to discover it was hidden in the wood cabinet. It's small, but so am I so I won't complain. Plus I have a couch, full-size fridge, dining room table and flat screen TV. It all makes up for the random bed-in-wall trick.

Where I have been

What I've Been Doing
Working a lot. I wish I could say I did amazing and wonderful things while in the many fun cities I have been to in the last two months like Portland, New York City, Washington D.C. But it's all a blur of stress, frustration, wonder, indecision and more stress.

What I've Been Listening To
James Morrison's Undiscovered album, Josh Radin and Natalie Merchant

What I've Been Eating
I've had tomato soup and grilled cheese three times this week. Trader Joe's makes really good organic tomato soup. I buy the soup then add in pesticides and chemicals just to prove I am not a hippy.

What I've Been Thinking
I am currently entertaining the thought of curling up under my desk into a little ball until the world seems safe enough for me to be in it again.

What I've Been Reading
My Shape magazine although I think people judge me while I read it on the treadmill like "you really think you could have Kelly Ripa's body? Ha." I don't really think I can get a "perfect bikini body" by June 1. Let's be realists, people.

What I've Been Dreaming
I don't dream while in a Benadryl-induced sleep. The minute I start dreaming while taking Benadryl I will switch to meth.

What I've Been Watching
Twins games, Lewis Black standup on YouTube, West Wing Season One dvds.

What I've Been Predicting
One of these days spitting fire out of my mouth won't just be a threat, but will become a reality.

What I've Been Plugging
Exercise. I can't make myself go to the gym everyday but everyday that I do go, the world seems a lot less antagonistic toward me. If Minnesota weather cooperated a bit more I might be able to actually go everyday but snow is still in the forecast here.

I miss my mommy

Blizzard, Day Two

I am supposed to drive home to Kansas today but I-35 is closed right now. Stupid snow.

This is what it looked like when I stepped out my front door at 7 a.m. Official count 11.3 inches as of 6 a.m., blizzard warning til 6 p.m. today. That's on top of the foot of snow from last weekend.

Blizzard!

This is snow, not fog at 3 p.m. Thursday

While watching Grey's

M: "So, what's new with you girls?"

T: "I'm a lesbian."

E: "I'm a whore"

S: "Yeah, so nothing new."

Little Sarah again

At a Friendly's diner in Carlisle, Penn.

Hostess: Do you want a regular menu or a kid's menu?

Me: "What?"

Hostess: "Oh, or are you..."

Me: "Old?"

Hostess: "Oh sorry! You're just so tiny."


Next day, in hotel breakfast area. I am making a waffle using the waffle iron that has a sign next to it that says you have to be 16 to use the iron.

Hotel woman: "Honey, are you 16?"


WTF?

Spoiled weekend

3 days sleeping past 10:30 a.m.
1 order of room service
7 visits to the concierge lounge for free appetizers and drinks
3 nights of drinking
4 episodes of The Office
1 visit to the Kennedy Center
1 visit to a gay bar
1 time being mistaken for a middle school student
2 dinners of sushi
1 bumped flight in exchange for 1 roundtrip ticket, 2 first class seats and 1 food voucher

= a great weekend in DC