You decide

I am sick of making decisions, which is highly unfortunate considering I have probably made exactly 2 percent of the decisions that are headed my way in the next eight months.

We registered last week at Crate and Barrel (yay, fun) and Sears (boo, chaotic). The whole process was super fun, like one huge Christmas list without worrying about my mom being offended that for the fifth year in a row I asked for a high-priced item I know she will never buy. However choosing between sage, winter white and sunshine yellow towels for a bathroom that we do not even own resulted in bickering and tears.

For one, I am not old enough to make these decisions. Perhaps 26 is old enough to decorate an entire, imaginary house but I still can't settle on winter white or yellow. Note: I also don't know the difference between winter white, and say, summer white.

Placesettings present a whole new problem when I realized the plates will be eaten on for decades. My kids will eat off these. They need to be sturdy, stylish, but not so stylish that I am pointing out to my daughter "See, this is what we thought looked good in 2009. Funny huh?"

Then there is my mother who would like to know if I would like altar flowers, why I want to wear red shoes under a white gown, and what length of dress I prefer she wear.

And then a demanding fiance who wants me to decide things like what I would like to eat for dinner. Really, just a little too much to ask.


The shift

I was pretty sure it was coming before Christmas. I knew we were getting married in 2009.

Yet, when he proposed Saturday I was in utter, and complete shock. It's been almost exactly 48 hours. I am still in a state of overwhelming emotion. Emotion at the amazing support and love from my family, friends and strangers. I didn't know what it'd be like but I could have guessed it would be hard to comprehend.

What I didn't expect though was the immediate shift in our relationship. The shift in my alliance to him first. The love that got deeper and more committed. The trust that was strengthened. The inner peace as my patience (however weak) was rewarded. The vulnerability that was cut open. The new awareness of the depth of his love for me, and mine for him.

I can't really explain it. But it's different. And better. SO much better.


25 on his 25th

Today the boy is a quarter-century old. I feel so lucky to be in his life for the last year. Here's 25 of the infinite number of reasons why I love him.

25. He brushes his teeth BEFORE breakfast.

24. He picks horrible movies (Tropic Thunder, Indiana Jones) from RedBox and insists I stay awake for them.

23. He hates Valentines Day, his own birthday and New Years Eve.

22. He adores Fantasy Football and sets his mission in life to make you love it, too.

21. He drinks milk with pizza.

20. He can throw a baseball farther than you.

19. He drives with his elbows so as to free his hands for important nail biting.

18. You may not look at those nails.

17. He is the most opinionated person I know who cannot make a decision.

16. A year ago he hated politics and politicians. Now, he gets excited for CNN.

15. He cannot resist brownies, gummi bears or Junior Mints.

14. He wears boxers and undershirts that have more holes than actual material.

13. He can make a spontaneous purchase for a $300 suit but will agonize for days on which $4 candle to buy.

12. He dislikes conservative churches, but has found one that works.

11. He reads me bedtime stories.

10. He will force his children to play sports even if they are missing both legs.

9. He works so hard with such passion.

8. He nailed up blankets to the bedroom window in a fit of frustration to keep the sun out.

7. He likes to cuddle.

6. He looks sexy in black button up shirts.

5. He loves his family.

4. He has plans for the future. Big ones. And I know he'll come through.

3. He can roll with the punches but still demands respect.

2. He's the funniest, happiest guy in the room.

1. He loves me more deeply and more passionately than I ever knew existed.

Happy Birthday!


I voted!

There were 284 people ahead of me in line to vote today at 7 a.m. when the polls opened. I have never had to stand in line to vote and this morning I waited more than an hour and a half.

They are expecting an 80 percent turnout in Minnesota. Makes me proud. I don't even care who you vote for (GO OBAMA!) but at least vote.

Then go get your free coffee at Starbucks.


Dress shopping

I hate dress shopping even more than I hate shopping in general. Mostly because stores make nothing in my size and dress fashion these days is reminiscent of a paper sack. I dragged poor S to almost every store in the Mall of America. One would think the largest mall in United States might have just one dress for me. False.

However, I found this BCBG dress half off at Macy's the next day which I dressed up with cheap jewelry and shoes. It's a nice balance between end of October and 80-degree weather and wedding guest and date of the man of honor.

Tonight I have to make my I-am-going-on-a-trip-so-I-have-to-have-new-makeup Target run.
Then it's off to Laguna Beach for my quick 24-hour dream of making my own episode of "The Hills." Then the SIL wedding extravaganza begins.


One year

It’s been a year now that I’ve been his other half.

Since then we have found a comfortable balance between best friends and lovers. Between fighting and forgiving, friends and family, appreciating our current state and IWANTTOBEENGAGEDRIGHTNOW.

I knew it would all work out and I’d be happy, but I never would have dreamed THIS happy, THIS in love and THIS excited about my future. A year ago if I read that, I would have rolled my eyes. Now, I understand.

So Happy Anniversary. I love you with everything that I am and will ever be.


Poisonous gas

It smelled when I walked into work today. Like a s'more-worthy campfire with a hint of gasoline.

Then I get an e-mail indicating it's not a fall weather campfire but instead ethanol gas. They are meeting with Environmental Health and Safety within the hour to determine if we're at risk. They have determined though that the ethanol emissions from the building next door are going directly into our air intake system.

Which my question is, what if cancerous gas is currently infiltrating my lungs while these meetings take place? Yikes!