Sleeping patterns

11 p.m. I am tired, I should go to bed.

Midnight: Ok, really going to bed now.

12:30 a.m.: Oh my god, I can't breathe. I have now sneezed 400 times in a row, snot is dripping down my face and my throat is closing up. I am going into anaphalytic shock for sure. I wonder how long it will take for someone to find me dead.

1 a.m. Moving to the couch where there is less cat hair, more circulation. Get clean sheet, breathe through wet washcloth on face which is more succesful than the two Benadryl I have now taken.

5:45 a.m. WHY AM I AWAKE? There's a phone alarm going off. Nope, not my phone. It sounds like it's in this room though. What's going on? Why has it been going off for five minutes?

5:55 a.m. It's going off again. What's happening and why can't I think clearly? Look for old phone on the off chance it hasn't lost battery in a month without being used or turned on and somehow its alarm is going off. Pull all couch cushions off looking for mystery phone. Put ear against wall to see if it's my neighbors. Look in drawers of entertainment center. Obviously still heavily under the influence of Benadryl. Suddenly feel like I am in an Edgar Allen Poe story.

6 a.m. What is that sound? Crap, the power just went out despite the fact there is no lightning, thunder, rain, wind, tornados. I just read an article about squirrels getting caught in the wires and killing power. God, I hate squirrels. This means my fans are off. It's like 90 degrees already, and I have no air conditioning. I am just going to get up and go to work.

6:02 a.m. Oh my god. What's that sound? It's louder than a car alarm. Sounds like a security breach of some kind. Pretty sure no one is breaking into that shady bar at this hour.

6:03 a.m. Seriously consider that loud alarm is probably a carbon monoxide alarm. Remember that I have my own carbon monoxide detector but suddenly can't remember if I have put batteries in it since I moved 1.5 years ago. Consider going out into hallway to see if anyone else in my building seems concerned. Decide too tired/drugged to move. Would rather just die peacefully from CO poisoning.

6:04 Loud car alarm and phone alarm of unknown origin going off at same time.

6:07 a.m. Phone alarm

6:09 a.m. Car alarm

6:13 a.m. Both alarms

6:18 a.m. Still both alarms. Why does God hate me?

7:45 a.m. My own phone alarm, electricity back, fans going.

8:40 a.m. Arrive at work. Speech still slightly slurred from Benadryl.