Keep a secret

I read "Can You Keep a Secret?" this weekend by Sophie Kinsella. This woman gets all her secrets broadcasted on national television. Funny. Here are my secrets, well the ones you can know.

I am annoyed the name and location on the blogger pages does not include a space after the colon. I only open my pop tabs halfway because it annoys everyone and the pop doesn't rush into my mouth and get all fizzy in my throat. I can't keep fingernail polish on longer than 24 hours because I get bored and pick it all off. I used to put glue on my hands, let it dry and then pick it all off - over and over again. I listen to NPR in the morning until they talk too much about becoming a member then I switch to alternative. Label makers fascinate me. Once a month I crave strawberries however they are currently $5 a pop which is way out of my budget for fruit. I hate most fruit. I like the jeans I am wearing because I think they make me look thin in the thigh and butt. I think most of my jeans do not do this. I hate cheesy Powerpoint layouts. I adore the fact that I have a blue U.S. postal box outside my work and the accessibility of these boxes was a consideration in choosing Minneapolis. My cat's litterbox is smelly. I buy the sweet and sour strawberry Trident gum and eat the sweet pieces when I need to be cheered up. I have no spatial perspective. I got no correct answers on this section on the IQ test. I do keep secrets. I wish I could have a do-over for my first three years of college. I skipped most of my last semester in high school. I hold grudges. I can't stand when people are slow walkers, travelers or thinkers. I wish my mom lived closer. I don't always know what state or country my dad is currently in. I have to pee but am holding it because I don't want to walk to the bathroom. I did this in middle school and my whole side would be shooting pain while I walked/ran home from school. I am terrified of dentists. I love taking Tylenol PM and would every night if I could. I hate when people touch my face. Roses are cliche and I would much rather get tulips. I still love roses. I don't know that I want to be a reporter. I feel like I am wasting my writing talent if I don't. I am scared of dying. I routinely think there is someone hiding in my apartment. I was scared of the book "David" when I was little because it was about a boy burned alive by his father. The book was blue with yellow writing. My mom had to take it to my Grandma's because I was so scared of it. I am still scared of it. I can't help but think negative thoughts about fat people. I had imaginary brothers and sisters that I talked to. I didn't like Big Brothers Big Sisters. When I read Jane Eyre in middle school I skipped 250 pages in the middle. I once slapped my best friend in the face in second grade. I won't drink milk more than a day after the date. I steal music. I have never looked at porn unless it popups in my face. I think I'd be happiest running an inn in an Italian village.