Stomaching 'Sex'

I had a life breakthrough this week - I went to a movie by myself. I had previously learned to eat at a restaurant by myself, go on museum tours alone and handle most travel situations solo. Movies, though, were the thing I could never conquer. When I see someone alone at a movie, I feel compelled to sit with them. I wonder why they are there alone, if they are sad, and if they also do everything else alone.

But this week I found myself stranded at a mall for almost six hours so I conquered my fear, and went to "Sex and the City" sans date. It's an ironic choice considering my most memorable episode of the show was about how we carry around "armor" to ensure no one thinks we are alone in life, but just in the present situation.

The hard part ended up not being sitting with my legs draped across the empty seat next to me, but instead swallowing the message the movie portrayed. I could handle the forgiving of infidelity in Miranda's marriage and Samantha's decision she'd rather be single than in a relationship. They stayed true to themselves and didn't make any decisions without consequences.

It was the main storyline, Carrie and Big's, that I could not stomach. The entire TV series revolved around the romance and inevitable breakup of Big and Carrie. Big can't commit. He is self-involved. And in the movie, he commits his worst sin - abandoning his bride on her wedding day because he's not really into the big wedding idea. She beats him with her bouquet, mourns him for six months. And, of course, gets back together with him and marries him at City Hall, which is what he wanted.

Message to girls: Abandon your dreams for your man. Love isn't logical and it shouldn't be so just follow your heart no matter how much he has hurt you. Past behavior doesn't indicate future expectations.

And we wonder why marriages fail. Why women stay with abusive husbands. Why they abandon all expectations and standards in order to make their relationship work. I guess a huge closet filled with designer shoes and a Fifth Avenue penthouse is enough for the movies.

It will never be enough for me.