Year in Review

January: Interviewed for current job and accepted offer after seeing church sign that said "Take this job and enjoy it." (Remember this) Talked to every moving company imaginable before driving my own freaking U-Haul. Vowed to not move again for a few years. Found hilariously small apartment to live in.

February: Annoying boy bought me milk which at the time was suffocating beyond belief but quickly became the fodder for many a joke. This episode came along with a four page, typed letter about the gloriousness of my lips, smell and overall aura.

March: Molly the Mustang was buried under snow. Had a ball in New York, went to Avenue Q the most hilarious puppet show ever. Went to LA where our keynote speaker's speech was interrupted by her cell phone ring "Since you've been gone..." by Kelly Clarkson.

April: Went to emergency room where nurse screwed up my IV and I spurted blood all over my sheets. After nurse shift change, they lost my jar of pee. It all would have been better if I were in an episode of Grey's Anatomy. Later that month, had a night like this: "We could have just done shots of vodka, and it would have tasted better than this." Went to San Francisco.

May: Became a celebrity at Starbucks. Had a tube shoved down my throat. Said goodbye to MK.

June: Bosses got fired. Rachel turned 21, threw up in a cab and woke up still drunk. Attempted to save lives by giving blood but rejected because of lack of iron.

July: Spent a week in a frantic mess with high school kids. Reached 21-mile mark in my rollerblade training. Was accused of being anorexic by my new boss I had just met.

August: Went to DC. Began to hate my boss to the point I hated coming to work. Started doing new part of my job which I had no idea what to do. Rollerbladed marathon in 2:06.

September: Went to St. Louis, Philly and Nashville for meetings. Was so busy I forgot to breathe occasionally.

October: Really, really, really busy. Convinced Detroit Tigers manager to give me tickets to the World Series. AWESOME. Visited Haley in NC and drank a lot of sweet tea. Lost eight pounds in a week.

November: Turned 24. Watched the Dems win everything. Went to Nashville, found more reasons to hate my job. Cried a lot. Spent Thanksgiving in Mexico and got some perspective on life.

December: Went to Portland for meetings. Rest of the month was a blur except for black X's counting down days on my calendar. Determined that "take this job and enjoy it" time had passed.

I had a dream...

After struggling to fall asleep last night for hours, I was rudely awakened by my alarm in the middle of a dream. I was at a museum type place where Thomas Jefferson resided. Not a portrait of him or pictures of the slave he slept with, but the actual Thomas Jefferson. The man.

Naturally, I wanted to meet him. Wouldn't you? His assistant told me that he rarely agrees to meet with people anymore because he's so old. But after hearing about my First Amendment court case, he agreed to meet me! I went into a room and there sat Thomas Jefferson, white wig and in a wheelchair. It gets a little fuzzy but his quote about having a free press rather than the government if he had to choose was part of our conversation. At one point I was crying, and he was hugging me.

I am impressed with my subconcious mind to link the First Amendment, Jefferson and a popular quote. However, beyond the analogy that I am more intelligent than I thought, I've got nothing.

However, I did learn one of my friends was Thomas Jefferson in a previous life or so her eighth-grade soul told her.

Thus concludes the weirdest morning ever.

Take out the trash

Whenever I stay past 5 p.m. at work, the trash guy comes to empty my overflowing trash can. At first I said "hi" or "thanks," but after he never responded, I stopped. Instead, I have to concentrate on my computer screen, which today was being extremely interested in the 10-day forecast. I imagine if we actually did have a conversation it'd go something like this:

Me: "Thanks for cleaning up after me."

Trash man: "No problem. I get paid a whole six bucks to pick up your waste."

Me: "Yeah..sorry that I am too lazy to break down those boxes so that you actually have to balance them on top of the can as you roll down the hall."

TM: "It's actually more annoying when you drink 3/4 of a can of 7Up and then throw it away and it ends up spilling all over my snazzy uniform."

Me: "You think that's bad? How do you feel about the Lean Cuisines that not only spill but smell like teriyaki."

TM: "Yum, teriyaki."

Me: "Same place, same time tomorrow? "

TM: "Like I have a choice."