What happens when I am stressssed with four s's

I start emailing people that don't have any clue what I am saying. Like "here are those jpegs you asked for?" They did not ask me for anything yet I am sending random crap to people because I can't keep track of who is asking me for what.

I start sleeping at my desk. However, it's rained 16 of the last 18 days here and it's dark by 2 p.m. Anyone would smack their forehead on their keyboard every other hour under those conditions anyway right?

I get really irritable. For example, "Sarah, are you there? I don't have much service." me: "God, yes. Just talk."

Running and eating cease to exist. One day this week I had a bagel, yogurt and some snap peas. For the whole day.

I start losing things. This morning it was pouring rain and I looked for a good 20 minutes for the two umbrellas I had yesterday. Didn't find them. My apartment is clean and is only 450 square feet. This is not possible. I also lost my keys but after 10 minutes I found them. Sitting on my couch. In plain sight.

When I leave work, it's dark and there is no rush hour traffic.

Rice part of Nobel Prize-winning group - Today's News

Rice part of Nobel Prize-winning group - Today's News

Happy

"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best," and then he had to stop and think. Because although eating honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called. ~A.A. Milne

Deja vu

I am sitting in the same Starbucks where this happened.

Funny.

Also, there are bank robbers on the loose. Better run fast and extra intimidating in the morning.

Diamonds and pink

I don't know the names of diamond settings. Jo was talking about one today and I had to ask "um, is that a diamond?" I think a big diamond would be really annoying to have wear the rest of my life. You can't take it off but I would probably snag all my clothes or something. Or scratch my face. "What's that on your face?"... "Oh, just a bleeding reminder I am engaged/married."

I think I'd rather wear a white dress with lots of red accents on it rather than pure white. I'd rather just have long, curled hair than all tangled up in a tiara and flowers. I'd rather have ice cream cake than traditional wedding cake. I'd rather have a huge game of Cranium than the Dollar Dance. But I still want the dollars. There can be roses or tulips at my wedding, but under no circumstances will a carnation or daisy set foot in the church. Nor is the Macarena or Hokey Pokey allowed. The Electric Slide is OK.

I am high-maintenance. But not in the traditional girl kind of way. More in the "STOP TOUCHING MY FACE" way.

Marathon report

The inline marathon in Duluth was super cold, super windy, much slower but fun. Start time it was a temperature in the 30s with a wind chill in the 20s. After a few miles, there was a definite headwind. The cold wasn't so bad except my legs felt tight and my hands were swollen from the cold. The course was beautiful along the lake and rocks.

I didn't beat my St. Paul time last year but considering the cold, wind and my being out of town the majority of the last month or so I am not disappointed. It was so much fun, and I am glad my parents could be there, cowbell and all.

Fantasy moment

After doing some work in San Diego, I went on a long jog (Ok, long for me) on this path by the San Diego river past luxury condos then changed into my swimsuit and spent the next few hours swimming and laying out in PERFECT 75-degree weather.

I got back to my hotel only to have wine and cheese delivered to my room by a cute boy who taught me how to open my wine with a cheap corkscrew. So there I was drying my hair, sipping white wine with my antique pearls around my neck.

It was at this moment I concluded that I most certainly am going to have to find a rich doctor or lawyer to marry because otherwise these moments will remain fantasies.

Rules for listservs

1. Do not EVER e-mail the whole list asking for the phone number or e-mail address to a common organization/business that has a Web site and could have been found out through Google in 25 seconds.

2. If you do accidentally e-mail the whole list with a personal message to one person and you avoid the well-deserved stoning, do NOT immediately e-mail back the whole list and say "oops. sorry."

3. No e-mails with content that solely includes any of the following: "Thank you." "I agree." "Great!" "I'm printing/saving this." "Haha." "Me too."

4. No message with more than 12-point font.

5. One exclamation point or question mark only. !!!!!! does not convey excitement, only stupidity.

6. If your question starts out with "I know we talked about this last week" that is exactly when you should stop typing and hit delete.

21 miles and counting

I skated 21.3 miles at semi-marathon speed tonight. I ate a third of a Clif Bar before I skated and then on my 18th mile tired PowerBar gel. I wanted to test it out before the marathon so I knew it wouldn't make me spew.

Luckily it worked, I got a little shaky but then it was just renewed energy. I had the stamina but my quads were killing me so I stopped at my seventh time around the lakes.

Best part though was this speed skater (who had the biggest calves ever) I was keeping up with for a short time passed me, and he said "You are skating very strong. You're a little power house"

MY LIFE IS AWESOME TODAY

These were delivered to me at work. Can you hear me smiling from here?

20-something queries

I don't know why because I am bordering on being closer to 30 than 20 that everyone needs to ask the same questions over and over. It's like high school graduation but more painful and neverending. At least I had an answer to "where are you going to college and what are you majoring in?"

Is there anyone special in your life?
Of course there are a lot of "special" people in my life. I am just not waking up next to them. This question really means, "are you getting married soon like everyone else we know?" No, I am not. The prospect of me in a white dress and shoving cake into someone's mouth is less nauseating than it was a year ago but it still just makes me queasy. My favorite followup to this is "well, have you tried online dating?" Nothing wrong with some match.com but it's like saying "well you better do something soon before your eggs dry up."

Do you want to have kids someday?
I am only 24. 2.4. That's too young. I am still at the point of eating only toast and green beans for dinner because that's all I have and I am too lazy to go to the grocery store. Clearly, I am not ready to take care of another human being especially one that eats digusting things like strained peas.

Are you surviving winters up north?
Ok this isn't related to my age. But I haven't traveled anywhere without people commenting on what must be my great inner strength for not dying when it snows or is bitterly cold. The truth is we know how to do winter up here. My car does not but at least the streets are clear. No one's car does well when there are 10 inches of snow blocking your car door. And I still want to stay in bed rather than face the prospect of my face freezing off when I walk to my car. So I am surviving in a seasonal affective disorder kind of way.

Small towns

I'm home in Kansas. I went to the grocery store in a wrinkled Cheerios t-shirt, pajama shorts and flip flops. On top of that I had no makeup, my hair was still wet and I looked generally white trash.

In the 10 minutes it took me to walk from my car, buy everything on the list for my mom and walk back to my car, I saw three people I knew. A family friend of a friend, a guy from high school and a guy from college.

Oy.

Very real

I am used to (unfortunately) watching national tragedies play out on CNN. Usually I have been to the city, for a visit. Usually I am glued to the TV, online newspaper sites and blogs for at least a week. Reading the latest statistics, the causes for the tragedy, the investigations, the eye-witness reports.

But this time, I am watching it play out in the city where I live. On the bridge that I drive on at least four times a week. The route that takes me to Target, the grocery store, the airport, Twins games and home from work. I wasn't there when it happened, and it still seems like it's far away when I watch it on TV. But when I go home Sunday, it will all be very real.

By Sunday, everyone will be adjusting to the new traffic patterns after losing a main path through the city. Funerals will be scheduled. National news media will be starting to leave. But it will all be new to me. Seeing first hand that less than a mile from my apartment, just a few blocks from my work, a bridge just fell down. That's not supposed to happen.

Just a normal Target run...

I go to this questionable Target because it's close to my apartment and the Interstate to get there isn't torn into pieces like the luxury Target shopping center north of me. I never leave the questionable Target or adjacent questionable grocery store without a story.

Location: Walking toward the cleaning supplies

Large man with dreds and shades: "Heeeeey there girl. You've got yourself some sexy legs."

Me: "Um, thanks"

Man: "Can you stop and talk to me for a minute. ... Too busy?"

Me: "Yeah, sorry."


Location: Checkout registers

Man: "Sure you don't want this number?" (pointing to his cell phone)

Me: "Yep, sure."

Man: "Come on. I want to give you some nigga love. I'll take care of you."

Funny how life works...

Amazing how life can go from this:


and this:


and this:



to this:

in less than 8 hours.

The training begins

I'm signed up for the North Shore Inline Marathon. Yes, 26.2 miles. It's the biggest inline marathon in the U.S. with 4,000 skaters along the shore of Lake Superior from Two Harbors to Duluth, Minnesota.


My goals are:

1. Don't fall.

2. Finish faster than my time in the St. Paul marathon last year.

Why everyone should hate Rupert Murdoch

Sleeping patterns

11 p.m. I am tired, I should go to bed.

Midnight: Ok, really going to bed now.

12:30 a.m.: Oh my god, I can't breathe. I have now sneezed 400 times in a row, snot is dripping down my face and my throat is closing up. I am going into anaphalytic shock for sure. I wonder how long it will take for someone to find me dead.

1 a.m. Moving to the couch where there is less cat hair, more circulation. Get clean sheet, breathe through wet washcloth on face which is more succesful than the two Benadryl I have now taken.

5:45 a.m. WHY AM I AWAKE? There's a phone alarm going off. Nope, not my phone. It sounds like it's in this room though. What's going on? Why has it been going off for five minutes?

5:55 a.m. It's going off again. What's happening and why can't I think clearly? Look for old phone on the off chance it hasn't lost battery in a month without being used or turned on and somehow its alarm is going off. Pull all couch cushions off looking for mystery phone. Put ear against wall to see if it's my neighbors. Look in drawers of entertainment center. Obviously still heavily under the influence of Benadryl. Suddenly feel like I am in an Edgar Allen Poe story.

6 a.m. What is that sound? Crap, the power just went out despite the fact there is no lightning, thunder, rain, wind, tornados. I just read an article about squirrels getting caught in the wires and killing power. God, I hate squirrels. This means my fans are off. It's like 90 degrees already, and I have no air conditioning. I am just going to get up and go to work.

6:02 a.m. Oh my god. What's that sound? It's louder than a car alarm. Sounds like a security breach of some kind. Pretty sure no one is breaking into that shady bar at this hour.

6:03 a.m. Seriously consider that loud alarm is probably a carbon monoxide alarm. Remember that I have my own carbon monoxide detector but suddenly can't remember if I have put batteries in it since I moved 1.5 years ago. Consider going out into hallway to see if anyone else in my building seems concerned. Decide too tired/drugged to move. Would rather just die peacefully from CO poisoning.

6:04 Loud car alarm and phone alarm of unknown origin going off at same time.

6:07 a.m. Phone alarm

6:09 a.m. Car alarm

6:13 a.m. Both alarms

6:18 a.m. Still both alarms. Why does God hate me?

7:45 a.m. My own phone alarm, electricity back, fans going.

8:40 a.m. Arrive at work. Speech still slightly slurred from Benadryl.

Thin walls

The walls in this hotel are very thin and therefore I now know everything about the girl's life who is in the room next to me. If I were to meet her in person, I would promptly punch her in the face.

1. She hates her parents. She has "every right" to come visit her birthplace and not see them. Fuck, she could have been in London right now. She will "never ever ever come back here again" unless she stays in a hotel. This hotel by the way is the most beautiful hotel she has "EVER" stayed in "EVER."

2. She tried to commit suicide and was in a hospital bed and her parents didn't even bother to come see her even though she should have been dead. I mean, "they had a chance to save their daughter's life!"

3. Everyone talks about how insane her family is. No one can stand her mother.

4. She's 42. But talks like she's 13. Seriously. I mean, seriously! Like, whatever.

5. She steals hotel robes. She requests a second robe be brought up for a friend and then she steals one and "they never know!"

O'Hare Observations

I broke my cardinal rule for living in using alliteration in the title of this blog. At least it makes sense, unlike the new Manhattan Marketplace in my hometown. Marketplace implies charming or a market like atmosphere where people browse fresh veggies while sipping coffee on a warm Saturday morning. Either that or a Mexican market where you are aggressively bartering for cheap crap that you will of course immediately throw in the garage sale box upon return to the U.S. But this "marketplace" includes box stores (Best Buy) and... well, that's it right now. Furthering proving my point that the title of the shopping center was chosen soley for the cutesy coincidence of "look, they both start with M!"

My bag got searched this morning b/c they saw "wires and a time device" or from a more layperson's mind, a computer cord and watch. I oh so desperately wanted to make a bomb joke especially after the top-notch security man couldn't find my "time-keeping device" and concluded "well, you can go. You don't look like trouble." National security at its finest. Note to terrorists: Young, short women dressed professionally and carrying bright blue suitcases. The key to your next plot.

None of the above writing was even about O'Hare. That's what alliteration does to a person.