M: "So, what's new with you girls?"
T: "I'm a lesbian."
E: "I'm a whore"
S: "Yeah, so nothing new."
It's been a long, long, long, long, long time...
11 years ago
2.22.2007
1.28.2007
Little Sarah again
At a Friendly's diner in Carlisle, Penn.
Hostess: Do you want a regular menu or a kid's menu?
Me: "What?"
Hostess: "Oh, or are you..."
Me: "Old?"
Hostess: "Oh sorry! You're just so tiny."
Next day, in hotel breakfast area. I am making a waffle using the waffle iron that has a sign next to it that says you have to be 16 to use the iron.
Hotel woman: "Honey, are you 16?"
WTF?
Hostess: Do you want a regular menu or a kid's menu?
Me: "What?"
Hostess: "Oh, or are you..."
Me: "Old?"
Hostess: "Oh sorry! You're just so tiny."
Next day, in hotel breakfast area. I am making a waffle using the waffle iron that has a sign next to it that says you have to be 16 to use the iron.
Hotel woman: "Honey, are you 16?"
WTF?
1.15.2007
Spoiled weekend
3 days sleeping past 10:30 a.m.
1 order of room service
7 visits to the concierge lounge for free appetizers and drinks
3 nights of drinking
4 episodes of The Office
1 visit to the Kennedy Center
1 visit to a gay bar
1 time being mistaken for a middle school student
2 dinners of sushi
1 bumped flight in exchange for 1 roundtrip ticket, 2 first class seats and 1 food voucher
= a great weekend in DC
12.29.2006
Year in Review
January: Interviewed for current job and accepted offer after seeing church sign that said "Take this job and enjoy it." (Remember this) Talked to every moving company imaginable before driving my own freaking U-Haul. Vowed to not move again for a few years. Found hilariously small apartment to live in.
February: Annoying boy bought me milk which at the time was suffocating beyond belief but quickly became the fodder for many a joke. This episode came along with a four page, typed letter about the gloriousness of my lips, smell and overall aura.
March: Molly the Mustang was buried under snow. Had a ball in New York, went to Avenue Q the most hilarious puppet show ever. Went to LA where our keynote speaker's speech was interrupted by her cell phone ring "Since you've been gone..." by Kelly Clarkson.
April: Went to emergency room where nurse screwed up my IV and I spurted blood all over my sheets. After nurse shift change, they lost my jar of pee. It all would have been better if I were in an episode of Grey's Anatomy. Later that month, had a night like this: "We could have just done shots of vodka, and it would have tasted better than this." Went to San Francisco.
May: Became a celebrity at Starbucks. Had a tube shoved down my throat. Said goodbye to MK.
June: Bosses got fired. Rachel turned 21, threw up in a cab and woke up still drunk. Attempted to save lives by giving blood but rejected because of lack of iron.
July: Spent a week in a frantic mess with high school kids. Reached 21-mile mark in my rollerblade training. Was accused of being anorexic by my new boss I had just met.
August: Went to DC. Began to hate my boss to the point I hated coming to work. Started doing new part of my job which I had no idea what to do. Rollerbladed marathon in 2:06.
September: Went to St. Louis, Philly and Nashville for meetings. Was so busy I forgot to breathe occasionally.
October: Really, really, really busy. Convinced Detroit Tigers manager to give me tickets to the World Series. AWESOME. Visited Haley in NC and drank a lot of sweet tea. Lost eight pounds in a week.
November: Turned 24. Watched the Dems win everything. Went to Nashville, found more reasons to hate my job. Cried a lot. Spent Thanksgiving in Mexico and got some perspective on life.
December: Went to Portland for meetings. Rest of the month was a blur except for black X's counting down days on my calendar. Determined that "take this job and enjoy it" time had passed.
February: Annoying boy bought me milk which at the time was suffocating beyond belief but quickly became the fodder for many a joke. This episode came along with a four page, typed letter about the gloriousness of my lips, smell and overall aura.
March: Molly the Mustang was buried under snow. Had a ball in New York, went to Avenue Q the most hilarious puppet show ever. Went to LA where our keynote speaker's speech was interrupted by her cell phone ring "Since you've been gone..." by Kelly Clarkson.
April: Went to emergency room where nurse screwed up my IV and I spurted blood all over my sheets. After nurse shift change, they lost my jar of pee. It all would have been better if I were in an episode of Grey's Anatomy. Later that month, had a night like this: "We could have just done shots of vodka, and it would have tasted better than this." Went to San Francisco.
May: Became a celebrity at Starbucks. Had a tube shoved down my throat. Said goodbye to MK.
June: Bosses got fired. Rachel turned 21, threw up in a cab and woke up still drunk. Attempted to save lives by giving blood but rejected because of lack of iron.
July: Spent a week in a frantic mess with high school kids. Reached 21-mile mark in my rollerblade training. Was accused of being anorexic by my new boss I had just met.
August: Went to DC. Began to hate my boss to the point I hated coming to work. Started doing new part of my job which I had no idea what to do. Rollerbladed marathon in 2:06.
September: Went to St. Louis, Philly and Nashville for meetings. Was so busy I forgot to breathe occasionally.
October: Really, really, really busy. Convinced Detroit Tigers manager to give me tickets to the World Series. AWESOME. Visited Haley in NC and drank a lot of sweet tea. Lost eight pounds in a week.
November: Turned 24. Watched the Dems win everything. Went to Nashville, found more reasons to hate my job. Cried a lot. Spent Thanksgiving in Mexico and got some perspective on life.
December: Went to Portland for meetings. Rest of the month was a blur except for black X's counting down days on my calendar. Determined that "take this job and enjoy it" time had passed.
12.18.2006
I had a dream...
After struggling to fall asleep last night for hours, I was rudely awakened by my alarm in the middle of a dream. I was at a museum type place where Thomas Jefferson resided. Not a portrait of him or pictures of the slave he slept with, but the actual Thomas Jefferson. The man.
Naturally, I wanted to meet him. Wouldn't you? His assistant told me that he rarely agrees to meet with people anymore because he's so old. But after hearing about my First Amendment court case, he agreed to meet me! I went into a room and there sat Thomas Jefferson, white wig and in a wheelchair. It gets a little fuzzy but his quote about having a free press rather than the government if he had to choose was part of our conversation. At one point I was crying, and he was hugging me.
I am impressed with my subconcious mind to link the First Amendment, Jefferson and a popular quote. However, beyond the analogy that I am more intelligent than I thought, I've got nothing.
However, I did learn one of my friends was Thomas Jefferson in a previous life or so her eighth-grade soul told her.
Thus concludes the weirdest morning ever.
Naturally, I wanted to meet him. Wouldn't you? His assistant told me that he rarely agrees to meet with people anymore because he's so old. But after hearing about my First Amendment court case, he agreed to meet me! I went into a room and there sat Thomas Jefferson, white wig and in a wheelchair. It gets a little fuzzy but his quote about having a free press rather than the government if he had to choose was part of our conversation. At one point I was crying, and he was hugging me.
I am impressed with my subconcious mind to link the First Amendment, Jefferson and a popular quote. However, beyond the analogy that I am more intelligent than I thought, I've got nothing.
However, I did learn one of my friends was Thomas Jefferson in a previous life or so her eighth-grade soul told her.
Thus concludes the weirdest morning ever.
12.13.2006
Take out the trash
Whenever I stay past 5 p.m. at work, the trash guy comes to empty my overflowing trash can. At first I said "hi" or "thanks," but after he never responded, I stopped. Instead, I have to concentrate on my computer screen, which today was being extremely interested in the 10-day forecast. I imagine if we actually did have a conversation it'd go something like this:
Me: "Thanks for cleaning up after me."
Trash man: "No problem. I get paid a whole six bucks to pick up your waste."
Me: "Yeah..sorry that I am too lazy to break down those boxes so that you actually have to balance them on top of the can as you roll down the hall."
TM: "It's actually more annoying when you drink 3/4 of a can of 7Up and then throw it away and it ends up spilling all over my snazzy uniform."
Me: "You think that's bad? How do you feel about the Lean Cuisines that not only spill but smell like teriyaki."
TM: "Yum, teriyaki."
Me: "Same place, same time tomorrow? "
TM: "Like I have a choice."
Me: "Thanks for cleaning up after me."
Trash man: "No problem. I get paid a whole six bucks to pick up your waste."
Me: "Yeah..sorry that I am too lazy to break down those boxes so that you actually have to balance them on top of the can as you roll down the hall."
TM: "It's actually more annoying when you drink 3/4 of a can of 7Up and then throw it away and it ends up spilling all over my snazzy uniform."
Me: "You think that's bad? How do you feel about the Lean Cuisines that not only spill but smell like teriyaki."
TM: "Yum, teriyaki."
Me: "Same place, same time tomorrow? "
TM: "Like I have a choice."
11.30.2006
I love the doctor's office
Nurse: "You're having symptoms?"
Me: "I was in Mexico last week, and I've been getting sicker since I got back so I just wanted to see if I should come in yet."
Nurse: "Oh, so you think maybe you're having a reaction to a medicine?"
Me: "What? No."
Me: "I was in Mexico last week, and I've been getting sicker since I got back so I just wanted to see if I should come in yet."
Nurse: "Oh, so you think maybe you're having a reaction to a medicine?"
Me: "What? No."
11.26.2006
11.17.2006
Train of thought
What I thought about today:
"Nope, not getting up."
"Ugh, how late could I call into work? 10, 10 sounds good. I'll email."
"Why am I always so tired?"
"Why do I never do laundry but still have clothes to wear? I should give some to poor kids."
"I could use my gift certificates to Express and Banana Republic and give MORE clothes to poor kids."
"I wonder why my boss is too tired to come to work but I have to drag my ass here."
"I had toast this morning, instant cappucino crap, this pizza Lean Cuisine is 400 calories...yeah, I don't care."
"Yes, I am still mad about that. I need a new job."
"I really don't like Indesign because you can't hold down the apple key and click and slide the page. I am sure there is a way to do it but I am too stubborn to find out. Bring back Quark!"
"Nov. 17 already? Really?"
"Do I want sushi tonight or Sunday? Rachel is making me pick the main dish for Saturday's dinner. I am going to marry a chef."
"If I live in NYC, could I have someone do my laundry. No, I'd be too poor. But, would I rather have clean laundry or cable?"
"When am I going to tell someone that the ethernet port on my new laptop is broken. Hmm, not today."
"Nope, not getting up."
"Ugh, how late could I call into work? 10, 10 sounds good. I'll email."
"Why am I always so tired?"
"Why do I never do laundry but still have clothes to wear? I should give some to poor kids."
"I could use my gift certificates to Express and Banana Republic and give MORE clothes to poor kids."
"I wonder why my boss is too tired to come to work but I have to drag my ass here."
"I had toast this morning, instant cappucino crap, this pizza Lean Cuisine is 400 calories...yeah, I don't care."
"Yes, I am still mad about that. I need a new job."
"I really don't like Indesign because you can't hold down the apple key and click and slide the page. I am sure there is a way to do it but I am too stubborn to find out. Bring back Quark!"
"Nov. 17 already? Really?"
"Do I want sushi tonight or Sunday? Rachel is making me pick the main dish for Saturday's dinner. I am going to marry a chef."
"If I live in NYC, could I have someone do my laundry. No, I'd be too poor. But, would I rather have clean laundry or cable?"
"When am I going to tell someone that the ethernet port on my new laptop is broken. Hmm, not today."
11.08.2006
Yay, Dems!
As you all can see, mainly someone's brother, my Democrats are far superior to your gun-toting, gay-hatin' Repubs.
11.06.2006
Why I love election season
- The Green party sign: Since late last week, there are people standing on the corner of my block with a massive cardboard sign that says "Support the Green Party." No candidate specifically just general support. Man, I hope they take the Senate!
- Live from New York... It's the Daily Show. Live! Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert!
- Minneapolis Mayor Rybak called my cell phone this weekend urging me to vote for..someone. Surely a Democrat. He talked to me like we were buddies though. I have expected him to end the convo with "peace out" but I hung up before he could get to that point.
- Campaign ads: This is the first time I have lived in a contentious state during election season. I can't get enough of the TV ads which inform me that every candidate running for office is a lying sack of shit and should be burning in the fires of hell. Vote, Tuesday!
- Predictions: I eat them up. I listened to NPR all day. Last night I watched two people fighting on MSNBC about whether the Dems would take five seats or four. They need six, so I have no idea why it even matters if they get less than that. My prediction? Dems will take every Senate seat up for grabs and there will be so much cutting and running Fox News will actually implode.
- Live from New York... It's the Daily Show. Live! Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert!
- Minneapolis Mayor Rybak called my cell phone this weekend urging me to vote for..someone. Surely a Democrat. He talked to me like we were buddies though. I have expected him to end the convo with "peace out" but I hung up before he could get to that point.
- Campaign ads: This is the first time I have lived in a contentious state during election season. I can't get enough of the TV ads which inform me that every candidate running for office is a lying sack of shit and should be burning in the fires of hell. Vote, Tuesday!
- Predictions: I eat them up. I listened to NPR all day. Last night I watched two people fighting on MSNBC about whether the Dems would take five seats or four. They need six, so I have no idea why it even matters if they get less than that. My prediction? Dems will take every Senate seat up for grabs and there will be so much cutting and running Fox News will actually implode.
11.05.2006
Funny baby
Rarely do I think children are funny, but OH MY GOD this is hilarious:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk
11.03.2006
On turning 24
I'm OK with 24, but the fact my next birthday is 25 is not really OK with me because I think that's the first birthday where I will feel older. Last night I went to happy hour and bowling with friends. Interesting combination. My first score was a studly 129. A couple of beers and tequila shots later, my second game's score was 61. Whoops... I woke up at 2:15 a.m. laying halfway on my bed, fully clothed and paranoid that my car had been towed. So, I got up to change to pajamas, brush my teeth and check on my car which is parked in a bar (not the one I actually was at) parking lot behind my apartment.
This morning I had to force myself to go to work completely hungover and three hours later choke down flour-less chocolate cake with my co-workers. Just what an alcohol-damanged stomach needs - a crap ton of fudge.
In conclusion, 24 must not be the age where I become a responsible adult.
This morning I had to force myself to go to work completely hungover and three hours later choke down flour-less chocolate cake with my co-workers. Just what an alcohol-damanged stomach needs - a crap ton of fudge.
In conclusion, 24 must not be the age where I become a responsible adult.
10.25.2006
10.23.2006
Shoes
For my week long trip I had to pack a suitcase of clothes and a bag of shoes. I rarely even pack enough clothes so having to pack two bags is annoying to me. Usually I get to my destination and realize I cannot count how many days I will be gone and therefore pack for a weekend when I am staying a month.
This time though, due to the fact I will be walking miles around a hotel everyday, had to pack different shoes for everyday. Each pair gives me a blister in a different place. Walking in heels is warfare.
Dressing up is good for me, though. My patience meter for people ordering me around and talking to me like I am four is an unstable two when I am wearing jeans but jumps to an eight when I have on a suit. Oh the mysteries of life.
This time though, due to the fact I will be walking miles around a hotel everyday, had to pack different shoes for everyday. Each pair gives me a blister in a different place. Walking in heels is warfare.
Dressing up is good for me, though. My patience meter for people ordering me around and talking to me like I am four is an unstable two when I am wearing jeans but jumps to an eight when I have on a suit. Oh the mysteries of life.
10.16.2006
Lyrics of the week
After years of expensive education
A car full of books and anticipation
I'm an expert on Shakespeare and that's a hell of a lot
But the world don't need scholars as much as I thought
Maybe I'll go travelling for a year
Finding myself, or start a career
Could work the poor, though I'm hungry for fame
We all seem so different but we're just the same
Maybe I'll go to the gym, so I don't get fat
Aren't things more easy, with a tight six pack
Who knows the answers, who do you trust
I can't even seperate love from lust
Maybe I'll move back home and pay off my loans
Working nine to five, answering phones
But don't make me live for Friday nights
Drinking eight pints and getting in fights
Maybe I'll just fall in love
That could solve it all
Philosophers say that that's enough
There surely must be more
Love ain't the answer, nor is work
The truth elludes me so much it hurts
But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key
I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me
A car full of books and anticipation
I'm an expert on Shakespeare and that's a hell of a lot
But the world don't need scholars as much as I thought
Maybe I'll go travelling for a year
Finding myself, or start a career
Could work the poor, though I'm hungry for fame
We all seem so different but we're just the same
Maybe I'll go to the gym, so I don't get fat
Aren't things more easy, with a tight six pack
Who knows the answers, who do you trust
I can't even seperate love from lust
Maybe I'll move back home and pay off my loans
Working nine to five, answering phones
But don't make me live for Friday nights
Drinking eight pints and getting in fights
Maybe I'll just fall in love
That could solve it all
Philosophers say that that's enough
There surely must be more
Love ain't the answer, nor is work
The truth elludes me so much it hurts
But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key
I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me
10.12.2006
Beach bum
Pictures from North Carolina:
This is the lake we went paddle boating on. Very pretty! Alligators too, but luckily they didn't eat me.
Yes, I am wearing a jacket, but the water was warm!
This is the lake we went paddle boating on. Very pretty! Alligators too, but luckily they didn't eat me.
Yes, I am wearing a jacket, but the water was warm!
10.10.2006
Someone's fault
I appreciate taxes that help other people. But damnit, I don't want to pay them.
Minnesota has all these crazy rules for auto insurance all of which is costing me about $300 more every six months than my Kansas car insurance. Unfortunately, my car insurance company found out that indeed I do not live in sunny Kansas but instead in traffic-crazed, icy road Minnesota.
I have to pay for underinsured and uninsured drivers, no-fault insurance plus everything else including the fact I live in a big city, don't take the bus and park outside on the street. Oh yeah, and I drive a "muscle" car and am young. They care only a little that I have never been in a car accident or gotten more than a parking ticket.
It's nice Minnesota is such a progressive state. I enjoy the prevalance of a third, sometimes fourth political party, the organic grocery stores and no tax on food or clothes. I, however, am not amused that I have to pay for idiots that don't bother to get insurance or decide to run me over with their cars. Also not amused by the fact I am being punished for not wanting to live in the suburbs and be surrounded by Olive Gardens and Kmarts.
Step one: Get rid of Mustang.
Step two: Move.
Minnesota has all these crazy rules for auto insurance all of which is costing me about $300 more every six months than my Kansas car insurance. Unfortunately, my car insurance company found out that indeed I do not live in sunny Kansas but instead in traffic-crazed, icy road Minnesota.
I have to pay for underinsured and uninsured drivers, no-fault insurance plus everything else including the fact I live in a big city, don't take the bus and park outside on the street. Oh yeah, and I drive a "muscle" car and am young. They care only a little that I have never been in a car accident or gotten more than a parking ticket.
It's nice Minnesota is such a progressive state. I enjoy the prevalance of a third, sometimes fourth political party, the organic grocery stores and no tax on food or clothes. I, however, am not amused that I have to pay for idiots that don't bother to get insurance or decide to run me over with their cars. Also not amused by the fact I am being punished for not wanting to live in the suburbs and be surrounded by Olive Gardens and Kmarts.
Step one: Get rid of Mustang.
Step two: Move.
10.06.2006
Southern relaxation
I'm in Wilmington, North Carolina aka Dawson's Creek central. I love this area of the country. So many trees, so green and so close to the ocean.
For the first time this week, I am headache and frantic free. Further proof that working a job is unhealthy, and I would be much happier just being a beach bum.
Plans for the weekend are to see sights from movies filmed here (it's called Hollywood East), eat lots of seafood, look longingly at the beach in the rain, shop, sleep in and enjoy a girls' weekend. And if I have to fly all the way to the South to get a weekend like this, I will.
Plus, if I say Louisville the right way here, they don't look at me funny. I originated as a Southern girl, after all.
For the first time this week, I am headache and frantic free. Further proof that working a job is unhealthy, and I would be much happier just being a beach bum.
Plans for the weekend are to see sights from movies filmed here (it's called Hollywood East), eat lots of seafood, look longingly at the beach in the rain, shop, sleep in and enjoy a girls' weekend. And if I have to fly all the way to the South to get a weekend like this, I will.
Plus, if I say Louisville the right way here, they don't look at me funny. I originated as a Southern girl, after all.
10.04.2006
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