Waking dreams

You decide

2009-01-06T08:58:00.003-06:00

I am sick of making decisions, which is highly unfortunate considering I have probably made exactly 2 percent of the decisions that are headed my way in the next eight months.

We registered last week at Crate and Barrel (yay, fun) and Sears (boo, chaotic). The whole process was super fun, like one huge Christmas list without worrying about my mom being offended that for the fifth year in a row I asked for a high-priced item I know she will never buy. However choosing between sage, winter white and sunshine yellow towels for a bathroom that we do not even own resulted in bickering and tears.

For one, I am not old enough to make these decisions. Perhaps 26 is old enough to decorate an entire, imaginary house but I still can't settle on winter white or yellow. Note: I also don't know the difference between winter white, and say, summer white.

Placesettings present a whole new problem when I realized the plates will be eaten on for decades. My kids will eat off these. They need to be sturdy, stylish, but not so stylish that I am pointing out to my daughter "See, this is what we thought looked good in 2009. Funny huh?"

Then there is my mother who would like to know if I would like altar flowers, why I want to wear red shoes under a white gown, and what length of dress I prefer she wear.

And then a demanding fiance who wants me to decide things like what I would like to eat for dinner. Really, just a little too much to ask.

The shift

2008-12-15T14:43:00.004-06:00

I was pretty sure it was coming before Christmas. I knew we were getting married in 2009.

Yet, when he proposed Saturday I was in utter, and complete shock. It's been almost exactly 48 hours. I am still in a state of overwhelming emotion. Emotion at the amazing support and love from my family, friends and strangers. I didn't know what it'd be like but I could have guessed it would be hard to comprehend.

What I didn't expect though was the immediate shift in our relationship. The shift in my alliance to him first. The love that got deeper and more committed. The trust that was strengthened. The inner peace as my patience (however weak) was rewarded. The vulnerability that was cut open. The new awareness of the depth of his love for me, and mine for him.

I can't really explain it. But it's different. And better. SO much better.

25 on his 25th

2008-11-24T14:51:00.003-06:00

Today the boy is a quarter-century old. I feel so lucky to be in his life for the last year. Here's 25 of the infinite number of reasons why I love him.

25. He brushes his teeth BEFORE breakfast.

24. He picks horrible movies (Tropic Thunder, Indiana Jones) from RedBox and insists I stay awake for them.

23. He hates Valentines Day, his own birthday and New Years Eve.

22. He adores Fantasy Football and sets his mission in life to make you love it, too.

21. He drinks milk with pizza.

20. He can throw a baseball farther than you.

19. He drives with his elbows so as to free his hands for important nail biting.

18. You may not look at those nails.

17. He is the most opinionated person I know who cannot make a decision.

16. A year ago he hated politics and politicians. Now, he gets excited for CNN.

15. He cannot resist brownies, gummi bears or Junior Mints.

14. He wears boxers and undershirts that have more holes than actual material.

13. He can make a spontaneous purchase for a $300 suit but will agonize for days on which $4 candle to buy.

12. He dislikes conservative churches, but has found one that works.

11. He reads me bedtime stories.

10. He will force his children to play sports even if they are missing both legs.

9. He works so hard with such passion.

8. He nailed up blankets to the bedroom window in a fit of frustration to keep the sun out.

7. He likes to cuddle.

6. He looks sexy in black button up shirts.

5. He loves his family.

4. He has plans for the future. Big ones. And I know he'll come through.

3. He can roll with the punches but still demands respect.

2. He's the funniest, happiest guy in the room.

1. He loves me more deeply and more passionately than I ever knew existed.

Happy Birthday!

One of THOSE mornings

2008-11-21T10:12:00.003-06:00

Sometimes I wake up a raging bitch.

I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the migraine that forced me on a Tylenol hunt at 5 a.m. Or the fact it's 11 degrees when I walk to work and my face feels like it's being slapped repeatedly with a hand full of needles and each second I dream of moving to the equator. Or the fact I don't have any money but need to buy Christmas presents and every time I turn on the TV/Radio/Internet I see there is no hope of me having more money ever again. Also, I'm PMSing.

Regardless of where the source lies, I was pissed off this morning. So I went to Starbucks for the first time in months and got a peppermint mocha in a red cup to wash down my fistful of Tylenol. And I called the boy on the way to work to apologize for being mad about absolutely nothing but treating him like he'd committed horrible sins.

Maybe it's time to turn on the Christmas music.

I voted!

2008-11-04T13:22:00.004-06:00

There were 284 people ahead of me in line to vote today at 7 a.m. when the polls opened. I have never had to stand in line to vote and this morning I waited more than an hour and a half.

They are expecting an 80 percent turnout in Minnesota. Makes me proud. I don't even care who you vote for (GO OBAMA!) but at least vote.

Then go get your free coffee at Starbucks.

Dress shopping

2008-10-20T10:28:00.003-05:00

I hate dress shopping even more than I hate shopping in general. Mostly because stores make nothing in my size and dress fashion these days is reminiscent of a paper sack. I dragged poor S to almost every store in the Mall of America. One would think the largest mall in United States might have just one dress for me. False.

However, I found this BCBG dress half off at Macy's the next day which I dressed up with cheap jewelry and shoes. It's a nice balance between end of October and 80-degree weather and wedding guest and date of the man of honor.

Tonight I have to make my I-am-going-on-a-trip-so-I-have-to-have-new-makeup Target run.
Then it's off to Laguna Beach for my quick 24-hour dream of making my own episode of "The Hills." Then the SIL wedding extravaganza begins.

One year

2008-10-10T16:45:00.002-05:00

It’s been a year now that I’ve been his other half.

Since then we have found a comfortable balance between best friends and lovers. Between fighting and forgiving, friends and family, appreciating our current state and IWANTTOBEENGAGEDRIGHTNOW.

I knew it would all work out and I’d be happy, but I never would have dreamed THIS happy, THIS in love and THIS excited about my future. A year ago if I read that, I would have rolled my eyes. Now, I understand.

So Happy Anniversary. I love you with everything that I am and will ever be.

Poisonous gas

2008-10-03T11:28:00.002-05:00

It smelled when I walked into work today. Like a s'more-worthy campfire with a hint of gasoline.

Then I get an e-mail indicating it's not a fall weather campfire but instead ethanol gas. They are meeting with Environmental Health and Safety within the hour to determine if we're at risk. They have determined though that the ethanol emissions from the building next door are going directly into our air intake system.

Which my question is, what if cancerous gas is currently infiltrating my lungs while these meetings take place? Yikes!

Who she is

2008-09-30T15:57:00.002-05:00

One of my best friends got married last weekend. And every time I relive the wedding, my eyes well up with tears – the overwhelming, happy kind.

I didn’t know Edie when she grew up at the farm, played basketball or coped with her parents divorce.

I did know her though when she stood up in front of an angry mob and maintained her composure. I knew her when she struggled to figure out past relationships. I knew her when the next step in her career was confusing. And then I knew her when she met the man she would marry. And when she got the ring. And when she was pissed about the color of vests. And when she said “I will.” (Note: Weddings never actually include the phrase “I do.” Why?)

Edie and I don’t talk much about the weather, politics or the mundane details of our day. We usually ponder the struggles of relationships, the greatness of loving and being loved and the awareness we have of our own insanity.

Edie is the most caring, soul-searching, thoughtful person I know. And it showed in her wedding. In the speech she gave her special girls right after applying her mascara, careful not to brush the black wand against her perfect white dress. In the way she included us in the processional, ending with a pink rose presented by the man who holds her the closest now. In the prayers of thanks for the wisdom, love and laughter we’ve given to her life.

The day was about a sacred union of two great people. But it was also a celebration of the people that made Edie the wonderful girl she is.

And before she ran out under a shower of birdseed, she walked over and handed me her bouquet with a hug. “Because you’re next.” And I cried for the 100th time that day.

Tina Fey reprise

2008-09-28T23:13:00.001-05:00

I want that shirt.

2008-09-24T12:15:00.002-05:00

Me: I just feel lucky when one person calls me on my birthday.

S: I'll call you.

Me: Psst. You'll be busy voting. And transporting elderly Democrats to the polls.

S: Why yes, everyone who gets in my car gets a party hat and t-shirt with your face on it that says "Celebrate with the better Sarah, vote against that Alaskan bitch."

And that is why we are friends.

Keep the camera charged!

2008-09-23T11:55:00.002-05:00

We picked out the ring I am going to wear for the rest of my life on Friday.

The jeweler knows the boy’s family and his dad, brother and friends all bought from him. His store is the size of my living room and the walls are plastered with pictures of professional athletes from Minnesota buying their rings there in addition to Clair Huxtable (Phylicia Rashād) from the Cosby Show (hi, fate).

Gene, the jeweler, had rings and diamonds ready for me to try on. We narrowed it down to a few and then we both just loved one more than the others. It’s a set. Custom designed in NYC for this jewelry store. Only sold once to a couple in Seattle. And it is very, very sparkly.

And it was my size. (fate, again).

There were loose diamonds chosen, prices given, phone numbers exchanged, and then it went back into the vault.

And now, until I see that ring again, every conversation will go this way:

Boy: Hey, do you want to grab dinner tonight?

Me: Yes. WHY? What’s the occasion? Should I dress up? Did you remember the camera? I hope my cell phone is charged today. And the camera! Did you charge the camera? What if the camera battery IS charged but it’s still in the charger in the kitchen? Oooohhh no! Not again! Not now!

And then realizing that it’s highly unlikely I am going to be proposed to at Chipotle, I will cease the panic attack and walk out of the house confidently sans camera in my jeans and sweatshirt.

More serious than someday

2008-09-15T16:00:00.001-05:00

Friday afternoon I am leaving work early for a date. And this is no dinner-and-a-movie kind of date.

Lampshade made an appointment downtown. At a jewelry store. To look at rings. The “will you marry me” kind of ring.

We did this once about six months ago but it was a fun, haha, free warm cookie, bottled water and shiny rocks on my hand kind of thing. Just for ideas, for someday.

Now it’s serious. Though I don’t know when it’s going to be for real because of the surprise factor which takes my "I need to know everything, always" brain to the brink of EXPLOSION. But as much whining as I do about the tight-lipped, taunting boy, I secretly want the happy surprised tears whenever they may come.

I have to keep reminding myself that yes, it’s my life I am talking about – this amazingly blessed, rich, uncomplicated, busting daily with love life.

But for now, I build little walls around my dreamy head to focus on the approved topics of work, dog parks, weather, Jamba Juice, K-State football, the Twins, the election and most importantly, how much I love daily life with the boy. And all that is more than enough.

Emotion imbalance

2008-07-29T23:28:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I have no trouble hiding my feelings, almost to a fault. Like when I talk about my Grandpa that is dying - slowly suffocating to death as his smoke-damaged lungs fail to give his brain the oxygen it needs. Only a few measly tears well up in my eyes when my mom tells me about how my dad is coping with the idea that his father will be around for days or weeks rather than years. He had time to prepare, it's been no secret that my Grandpa has been hooked up to oxygen for years or that slowly he was taking more medications and was understanding less. I think about my dad losing a parent. I think about losing my own parent. It's too much to think about so I just don't think about it.

Then there is Lampshade who travels for work regularly. Again, I think about my dad. But this time without any trouble expressing my emotions. My fear that he'll miss birthdays, anniversaries and confirmations. My fear that we'll get used to it. That he'll just call to say goodnight but we'll be too tired to talk. My fear that I'll get used to him being gone and not cry when he leaves or get anxious for his homecoming.

And unlike with my Grandpa, I have no trouble expressing those emotions - crying on the phone like an emotionally imbalanced girlfriend while all the while trying to balance my absolute pride and genuine support for his career successes. And reminding myself that it's hard for him too - driving long, lonely hours in a rental car, sleeping in a strange bed and wishing he was home, probably even more so when he hears the tears.

I know he and I will be fine. I don't even doubt it a second. My grandpa won't be fine. He's going to die. Why then do I cry for the one that I know will be more than amazing yet unable to show emotion for the one that ends with the ultimate finality?

Stomaching 'Sex'

2008-06-20T21:17:00.004-05:00

I had a life breakthrough this week - I went to a movie by myself. I had previously learned to eat at a restaurant by myself, go on museum tours alone and handle most travel situations solo. Movies, though, were the thing I could never conquer. When I see someone alone at a movie, I feel compelled to sit with them. I wonder why they are there alone, if they are sad, and if they also do everything else alone.

But this week I found myself stranded at a mall for almost six hours so I conquered my fear, and went to "Sex and the City" sans date. It's an ironic choice considering my most memorable episode of the show was about how we carry around "armor" to ensure no one thinks we are alone in life, but just in the present situation.

The hard part ended up not being sitting with my legs draped across the empty seat next to me, but instead swallowing the message the movie portrayed. I could handle the forgiving of infidelity in Miranda's marriage and Samantha's decision she'd rather be single than in a relationship. They stayed true to themselves and didn't make any decisions without consequences.

It was the main storyline, Carrie and Big's, that I could not stomach. The entire TV series revolved around the romance and inevitable breakup of Big and Carrie. Big can't commit. He is self-involved. And in the movie, he commits his worst sin - abandoning his bride on her wedding day because he's not really into the big wedding idea. She beats him with her bouquet, mourns him for six months. And, of course, gets back together with him and marries him at City Hall, which is what he wanted.

Message to girls: Abandon your dreams for your man. Love isn't logical and it shouldn't be so just follow your heart no matter how much he has hurt you. Past behavior doesn't indicate future expectations.

And we wonder why marriages fail. Why women stay with abusive husbands. Why they abandon all expectations and standards in order to make their relationship work. I guess a huge closet filled with designer shoes and a Fifth Avenue penthouse is enough for the movies.

It will never be enough for me.

Normalcy

2008-05-14T18:28:00.003-05:00

My mind has been in overdrive lately. Every time I felt myself getting a much-needed grip, I fell back into a very unnecessary, dizzying slip.

This week I got a chance to get away. To sleep in a bed that wasn't mine. To sit in a room that wasn't surrounded with reminders of what I should be doing instead. To explore areas with incredible sights, smells and a overwhelming sense of calm. To just laugh, talk about nothing and eat a lot of things that aren't good for me.

Sometimes I wonder if we have those weights on our chest or the lump in our throat in order to experience the incredible feeling that comes when you finally achieve peace. The way it feels to breathe deep and giggle freely. To know that you are being yourself and in fact, there isn't something wrong with you, you just needed to get away for a day or two from the pressure cooker of life.

On being saved

2008-05-02T03:24:00.005-05:00

I had a bad day today. I remember on past bad days thinking of the significant people in my life and just willing them silently through tears to come save me. Just come over, come sit with me, hold my hand, make me eat dinner, give me a hug that lasts longer than a minute, tell me it's going to be OK and really mean it. And do all that without sucking away my pride.

I remember wishing it, hoping, but knowing it wouldn't happen. Not because these people didn't care, they just had other commitments, other priorities.

Today when I texted Lampshade at work to tell him of my rather unfortunate day, he called. Four times until I answered. Through tears, I told him the details. He wanted to fix it as unfixable as it was. Shortly later, I got a voicemail. "I am on my way home." To save me.

There was nothing he could do from home to fix it. Except sit on the couch with me. Hold my hand. Order me Chinese food so that I refueled after the tears zapped my strength. Gave me a hug that lasted for hours, not minutes. Told me it was going to be OK and meant it because he was the one who was going to be there if it did all fall apart.

And did all that in a way that not only salvaged my pride but empowered me.

It's 3:30 a.m. The tears that are stinging in my eyes are a little about the events of my day and a lot about the overwhelming love and gratefulness I have for the one that holds my hand in solidarity even as he sleeps.

Convincing paranoia

2008-04-07T15:53:00.003-05:00

So I have this lump in my neck, right below my hairline on the left side of my spine. It hurts to touch it and I almost throw up from the pain if someone massages it. I've had severe tension in my neck and shoulders for the last month. I got a pretty deep massage last week that was painful but helped for..a day.

This weekend I convinced myself that this lump is most definitely cancer - probably lymphoma despite the WebMD articles suggesting if it were a tumor, it'd be hard, immobile and not tender. Mine is movable and tender, and most likely just a swollen lymph node.

As Lampshade and I drove home after dinner at his grandparents house, I am quiet because in my head I am imagining my cancer diagnosis - the doctor telling me the news, the long walk to my car, the tearful phone calls to come. Then telling him I have cancer and only have a few months to live. And then imagining that I wouldn't get to spend a long, fulfilling life with him buying a house, having babies, traveling and loving.

So when he looks over to my side of the car and see tears rolling down my cheeks, I then have to explain the reason for my tears is my overactive imagination and perhaps an intense case of paranoia that I only have a month to live, followed by "Do you think I am crazy?"

We both know that he thinks I am insane and perhaps need a more constructive creative outlet. We'll find out who is right at my doctor's appointment tomorrow.

Delayed appreciation

2008-03-31T09:27:00.002-05:00

I never really fully appreciated Kansas weather.

I did today when it was snowing on my way to work and I read this: "Heavy snow warning for most of central Minnesota and west central Wisconsin Monday and Monday night...some areas could get 6-9" of snow."

It's pushing 60 in Manhattan, Kansas right now and I am going through a HEAVY SNOW WARNING. Baseball starts today. I did my spring cleaning this weekend.

I just want to pack up my sweaters, damnit.

Growing pains

2008-03-24T16:35:00.004-05:00

When I was in sixth grade, I would wake up in the middle of the night crying because my calves ached so badly. My mom would run to my bedside, and massage my legs til I fell asleep again. I couldn't run as fast as I used to at summer camp because my muscles would twitch and throb. When I finally went to a doctor, we figured out it was simply growing pains. According to kidshealth.org:

"Although growing pains often point to no serious illness, they can be upsetting to a child - or a parent... Support and reassurance that growing pains will pass as children grow up can help them relax."

Though I no longer get throbbing pains in my legs, I still experience growing pains that are both upsetting to me and my parents, just as the pains were 14 years ago. Though I am definitely my parents' child, I'm also a product of society, my political and religious beliefs, my friends and most significantly, my own life experiences.

Sometimes I make decisions that aren't in line with the life my parents would have chosen me to lead. It's not because I don't love them or respect who they have shaped me into being. It just means I have experienced life in a different way. One that includes text messaging, inevitable financial debt, a world where traditional dinner-and-a-movie dating no longer exists, the expectations of being a strong, independent woman while still being gentle, caring and motherly.

It doesn't change who I am at the core. Rather, it shows my intensity, ability to love with great depth, confidence in my future and logical approach to life.

And what I ask from then is simply the freedom to be myself, to make the decisions - good or bad - that we all desire to make for ourselves and the understanding that it's nothing personal, but truly the act of being me.

The Big Apple

2008-03-12T21:03:00.001-05:00

I'm not sure why I love New York City so much.

It's certainly not the thick, polluted air, the smell of garbage on the streets wafting from mounds of black garbage bags tossed at the edge of the sidewalk or the ever-present fear of terrorism, crime and corruption.

It has more to do with the click of a hurried woman's heels against the pavement as she walks down Fifth Avenue with an armful of colored bags with rope handles. It's the surge of business men carrying leather briefcases and talking on their Blackberrys who cross a full minute before the crosswalk flashes permission to cross. It's gazing into a restaurant window to see a group of gay men enjoying appletinis and laughing uproariously. It's the dog parks as the only oasis in the concrete playground and the peace that envelopes you when you reach the southern edge of Central Park.

It awakens in me a hurried, energetic spirit that often lies dormant in the depression of a Minnesota winter.

I'm on the plane, 45 minutes from landing at LaGuardia. I'm tired, stressed and a little lonely. But all I can think about is the rush I will feel in the back of a yellow cab heading to Midtown. Looking up to be surrounded by people and buildings and feeling that jolt of exhilaration as the hotel bell hop, complete with a top hat, greets me: "Welcome to New York, miss."

My neighbors are rude and stalk me

2008-02-28T17:22:00.002-06:00

The condo has two 24-hour guest spots, and then a parking lot full of parking for restaurants and 2-hour guest parking. This is a ridiculous setup considering the hundreds of people that live in the complex most definitely have more than two guests with cars at a time who might want to stay more than two hours.

Lampshade pays for a spot in the garage, which I get to use when he travels. Otherwise I alternate between using one of the 24-hour spots which are ALWAYS open and the street a block away. I only park in the condo spot when I am carrying groceries, it's super cold or it's going to snow and the street is off limits. Granted, this has been the majority of days lately but last week Lampshade left, and Sarah gained a warm garage spot.

Last night, we get a letter from the association including the following:

"It has been viewed and reported in more than one occasion that the above-listed vehicles have bene parking in the Guest Condo parking spot on a consistent/daily basis. It has been reported that the Mazda was parked the guest parking spot last evening. It has been reported that both the Mazda and the Camry listed above will be parked in the guest parking or the assigned garage stall of #99."

We're in the wrong because we are abusing the system of the guest spot, however I am extremely disturbed that someone is documenting where our cars are located. Correction, IT TOTALLY FREAKS ME OUT. Who cares enough to not only document this consistently but then report it to the association repeatedly?

Don't worry, stalker friend, I am parked on the street. Put away your binoculars and get a life.

Diets are bogus

2008-02-27T12:48:00.002-06:00

I am not on a diet, more like a "I have to wear a swimsuit in three months" exercise plan. I was running an hour about five days a week and then Lampshade (as the boy would now like to be referred to, even though he never reads this blog) broke his foot while trying to scare me as I came out of the bathroom. Motivation shot.

I have lost about five pounds since October just with running but trying ever so slightly to eat more things that are red, orange and green. Last night, though, I had two pieces of lasagna, red wine, several pieces of bread and salad. And, I haven't run in about three weeks.

This morning I weighed what I weighed my freshman year in college - the lowest in seven years.

Clearly, lack of exercise and eating enough for three people is the best route.

2008-02-15T07:41:00.005-06:00

My parents met at Northern Illinois University in DeKalb, Illinois. It's halfway between each of their hometowns. My dad was the front desk worker at my mom's dorm. My dad worked in a lab at the Geography Building. My mom took classes in the Education Building.

When we travel to Illinois as a family, we drive through DeKalb each time - my mom and dad recounting the stories from college, their engagement life and scraping by on such little cash. They point to buildings where they attended classes, the library where they studied and the bus stop where they waited, huddled against each other in the cold.

This morning, NIU is a much different place. Instead of dreams of graduation, excitement of the weekend's basketball game or stupid decisions at frat parties, it's filled with horror and fear.

My mom said on the phone last night, "I don't understand. This kind of thing never happened when we were in college."

I don't understand either.

"What broke in a man when he could bring himself to kill another?" ~Alan Paton

Real love

2008-02-14T10:58:00.006-06:00

Much to Hallmark's dismay, love doesn't come in pre-printed red and pink cards, expensive chocolates in expensive foil boxes or carefully selected yet overpriced roses.

When I was 5, I thought love was when my dad left for a business trip and he gave my mom a "TV kiss" as I called it. I'd beg for them to kiss that way and then hide my face in disgust as they kissed passionately.

When I was 10, I thought love was born in the cheap metal hearts you could have engraved at the school carnival with things like Joe + Jane = *heart* This would no doubt start a fight with Mike who really was fourth-grade love with Jane and who in return would throw Joe in the school jail until someone used three tickets to bail him out.

When I was 15, love was confusing. Was it in the couples who were already having sex or the big dramatic displays of "Love, Tommy" written in the trivial notes on lined paper folded into impressive shapes so as to be easily slipped in the receiver's backpack?

When I was 20, I thought I knew what love was. I thought love was ignoring crazy habits or picking out the perfect presents.

When I was 25, I found out what real love was. It's not just accepting idiosyncrasies, but loving them. It's not about presents but the small things, done daily. It's about wanting to be a better person even though you're loved exactly the way you are.

Why I Voted for Obama

2008-02-06T08:42:00.002-06:00

I participated in a caucus primary for the first time last night. It was an overwhelming turnout, almost 200,000 in Minnesota they say.

I cast my ballot for Obama because after listening to him speak at a rally here Saturday, more than once I was choked up with tears. In my lifetime, no politician has brought me to tears, at least ones of joy and hope. After eight years of lies about the war, the stripping of individual rights, wiretapping, the acceptance of torture and the degradation of what it means to be American, I am ready for something new. It was during the Bush presidency that I stopped saying the pledge of allegiance because I can't imagine dedicating myself to a country in such a state of despair and misdirection.

Yet, Obama makes me want to believe again. And though it's his mass appeal, his inspirational message of hope, his uniting vision and his powerful public speaking that first attracted me to his camp, it's his policies that kept me in.

His health care plan bridges the gap between the current system and the eventual universal health care system. He is committed to a reduction in troops in Iraq. His charm and uniting attitude will bridge the gaps between the aisles in Congress. Though he might not have experience as part of a Clinton-like political machine, his idealism and direction are what we need.

I'd rather elect a president with a idealistic hope for the future than one who has proven to be a divisive figure who is so beat down she fails to dream big.

Christmas shopping

2007-12-17T16:45:00.000-06:00

I had my Christmas shopping done several weeks ago. Yesterday, though, the boy volunteered us to shop for his Adopt-A-Family kids that his company is adopting. I love doing stuff like this, unfortunately the Target gods were against us.

Granted, I shouldn't expect much from Target on basically the weekend before Christmas. But good lord. I started pushing the cart through toy aisles for maybe 30 seconds before I was ready to buy the kids some socks and call it good. We stared at V-Tech toys for about 15 minutes and then argued in the baseball equipment aisle for another 15 about how it's not ridiculous that a disadvantaged family would be happy with a $20 baseball glove even though it was going to fall apart in a year and wouldn't make little Victor into the next MVP.

So after getting the glove, some baseballs and bases, we only needed a nightlight. Just a $1 nightlight seems like an easy task. But, it's like rush hour on the Interstate on a Friday afternoon. People push their carts without looking or park them in the middle of the aisle to wander off to another area of the store blissfully unaware that I am plotting to steal all their purses to teach them a lesson. We looked in furniture, lamps, lightbulbs, kids bedding, toys, small electrics... everywhere for a nightlight. By then the boy is asking me why I keep snapping at him. Because I am. He keeps making jokes and I keep glaring at him like he has caused this mayhem and forced me to come here against my will.

We found the nightlight. Next to camping equipment. Because that's what I want to do when I am sleeping in a tent under the stars - plug in a nightlight.

And then the boy bought me a Dr. Pepper for my troubles, and the world was once again OK.

A Decade Earlier

2007-12-14T16:40:00.001-06:00

Dear Sarah of 1997,

This your future you, 10 years later. You just started high school. It's December now so you've finally figured out where the stairwells go in that ridiculous old building they call the East Campus. Even though they gave you two lockers, you'll only use one. You'll take a reading appreciation class and skip entire sections of Jane Eyre yet get 100 extra credit points for reading it. You're going to have good friends this year. Enjoy that. Stop being so dramatic.

High school will be easy for you. You'll end up skipping a lot of class your senior year because you can't convince yourself to go to class when you keep acing tests. You should go to class anyway because in college you'll need that motivation.

You won't have a lot of girl friends. They'll come and go each year. Appreciate the things they bring into your life and let them go when they let you down. Listen to your mom when she says these girls won't be your bridesmaids.

When that dark-haired boy tries to break up with you because you're going to college, LET HIM. You're fighting for a relationship that is ultimately going to rock you to your core. Sometimes letting go saves you from years of recovering from a broken heart and anger I couldn't convince you now that you're capable of.

You're going to envelope yourself with journalism. It's your passion. But believe what's written on the ceiling of your college newspaper newsroom - "newspapers will always break your heart." You're going to experience a lot of heartache and hard lessons in the unfairness of life. Please, please, please keep a journal so you can remember what happened later on.

A few other things to remember:

- Don't lie to your parents. It's going to ruin your relationship with them for a few years. Whatever you think is worth losing trust, is not. Also, when they tell you you can't drive because you are crying hysterically, for the love of god, listen.

- I know you don't think your college GPA is important because that won't be on your newspaper resume. Resist that belief. You will want to go to graduate school in 10 years and you will want a time machine to kick your own ass when you have to turn in your applications.

- You are skinny and beautiful. You just don't know how to pull it all together yet. Stop skipping meals. It's so unnecessary.

- Don't just study abroad for a month. Do it for a year or at least a semester. You won't miss out on things, you'll gain the most life-changing experiences of your life.

- It won't be as you imagined when you were younger. After college you'll go through several jobs and several abusive bosses. You will cry in your car after work for weeks on end. But you will make it through it. You'll lose direction, gain confusion but will endure it all with grace.

- Stop spending your money on shit. You'll want it later and wish there was a 10-year return policy.

- Your future red Mustang is SO cool except when you are digging it out of Minnesota snow, or getting it stuck a the bottom of a driveway because it's rear wheel drive. Buy a Honda Civic instead especially if you can get a hybrid. Do you even know what that is?

I know that in the next decade you're going to wonder if it all will ever come together. You're going to wonder if you'll ever find your soulmate, if you'll ever be excited on your way to work or if your parents will approve of it all.

Consider this letter a big hug to let you know it's going to be OK. You will be beautiful inside and out. You aren't going to figure out your career right away but your life will become bigger than what you do for money. You're not going to get married after college but you'll be grateful that you didn't.

You'll find someone that eliminates the trust issues you thought you had. You won't have to ask him how he feels because he always tells you. When you fight, you won't have that stomach ache worried he's reconsidering. This is how it's supposed to be.

So be brave, stop worrying, and never forget who you are.

Love, your future you.

How I Have Become a Housewife (without actually being a wife)

2007-11-29T15:34:00.000-06:00

In the month I have not blogged, I have become a bonafide housewife. Considering I once was the opposite of such a description, this is quite a development.

First, I found a boyfriend with whom I unofficially live with. Unoffically meaning I still pay a large percentage of my nonexistant income to my landlord for an apartment I use to store my furniture, clothes I should probably give away and a place to pick up my mail once a week.

Next, I fell in love with this boy which compelled me to start doing things like make dinner, and not just heating up something from a box. Luckily, said boy is much more ambitious and happy in the kitchen than me. As the love grew, so did my desire to bake cookies for no reason.

Thirdly, I quit my job from hell giving me more time for housewifery. A good indication that you made the right decision in quitting your job is when you quit and you realize you are 500 pounds lighter and you quit contemplating running your car into ditches.

Without the job, there is a lot of time for things like laundry, loading and unloading the dishwasher, taking the dog for a walk, preparing dinner, driving two suburbs away to bring the boy the black tie he forgot before his business lunch and decorating the Charlie Brown Christmas tree.

I did find a new awesome job, however it means I get to work from home, which is no doubt going to lead to more domestic activity. The last two days, the boy has come home from work only to find me on the couch watching Rachel Ray's 30-Minute Meals.

What happens when I am stressssed with four s's

2007-10-18T17:40:00.000-05:00

I start emailing people that don't have any clue what I am saying. Like "here are those jpegs you asked for?" They did not ask me for anything yet I am sending random crap to people because I can't keep track of who is asking me for what.

I start sleeping at my desk. However, it's rained 16 of the last 18 days here and it's dark by 2 p.m. Anyone would smack their forehead on their keyboard every other hour under those conditions anyway right?

I get really irritable. For example, "Sarah, are you there? I don't have much service." me: "God, yes. Just talk."

Running and eating cease to exist. One day this week I had a bagel, yogurt and some snap peas. For the whole day.

I start losing things. This morning it was pouring rain and I looked for a good 20 minutes for the two umbrellas I had yesterday. Didn't find them. My apartment is clean and is only 450 square feet. This is not possible. I also lost my keys but after 10 minutes I found them. Sitting on my couch. In plain sight.

When I leave work, it's dark and there is no rush hour traffic.

Rice part of Nobel Prize-winning group - Today's News

2007-10-15T14:58:00.000-05:00

Rice part of Nobel Prize-winning group - Today's News

Happy

2007-10-08T12:16:00.001-05:00

"Well," said Pooh, "what I like best," and then he had to stop and think. Because although eating honey was a very good thing to do, there was a moment just before you began to eat it which was better than when you were, but he didn't know what it was called. ~A.A. Milne

Deja vu

2007-10-04T18:29:00.000-05:00

I am sitting in the same Starbucks where this happened.

Funny.

Also, there are bank robbers on the loose. Better run fast and extra intimidating in the morning.

Diamonds and pink

2007-09-19T10:33:00.000-05:00

I don't know the names of diamond settings. Jo was talking about one today and I had to ask "um, is that a diamond?" I think a big diamond would be really annoying to have wear the rest of my life. You can't take it off but I would probably snag all my clothes or something. Or scratch my face. "What's that on your face?"... "Oh, just a bleeding reminder I am engaged/married."

I think I'd rather wear a white dress with lots of red accents on it rather than pure white. I'd rather just have long, curled hair than all tangled up in a tiara and flowers. I'd rather have ice cream cake than traditional wedding cake. I'd rather have a huge game of Cranium than the Dollar Dance. But I still want the dollars. There can be roses or tulips at my wedding, but under no circumstances will a carnation or daisy set foot in the church. Nor is the Macarena or Hokey Pokey allowed. The Electric Slide is OK.

I am high-maintenance. But not in the traditional girl kind of way. More in the "STOP TOUCHING MY FACE" way.

Marathon report

2007-09-16T16:24:00.000-05:00

The inline marathon in Duluth was super cold, super windy, much slower but fun. Start time it was a temperature in the 30s with a wind chill in the 20s. After a few miles, there was a definite headwind. The cold wasn't so bad except my legs felt tight and my hands were swollen from the cold. The course was beautiful along the lake and rocks.

I didn't beat my St. Paul time last year but considering the cold, wind and my being out of town the majority of the last month or so I am not disappointed. It was so much fun, and I am glad my parents could be there, cowbell and all.

Fantasy moment

2007-09-10T19:09:00.000-05:00

After doing some work in San Diego, I went on a long jog (Ok, long for me) on this path by the San Diego river past luxury condos then changed into my swimsuit and spent the next few hours swimming and laying out in PERFECT 75-degree weather.

I got back to my hotel only to have wine and cheese delivered to my room by a cute boy who taught me how to open my wine with a cheap corkscrew. So there I was drying my hair, sipping white wine with my antique pearls around my neck.

It was at this moment I concluded that I most certainly am going to have to find a rich doctor or lawyer to marry because otherwise these moments will remain fantasies.

Rules for listservs

2007-09-05T11:38:00.001-05:00

1. Do not EVER e-mail the whole list asking for the phone number or e-mail address to a common organization/business that has a Web site and could have been found out through Google in 25 seconds.

2. If you do accidentally e-mail the whole list with a personal message to one person and you avoid the well-deserved stoning, do NOT immediately e-mail back the whole list and say "oops. sorry."

3. No e-mails with content that solely includes any of the following: "Thank you." "I agree." "Great!" "I'm printing/saving this." "Haha." "Me too."

4. No message with more than 12-point font.

5. One exclamation point or question mark only. !!!!!! does not convey excitement, only stupidity.

6. If your question starts out with "I know we talked about this last week" that is exactly when you should stop typing and hit delete.

21 miles and counting

2007-08-29T21:07:00.000-05:00

I skated 21.3 miles at semi-marathon speed tonight. I ate a third of a Clif Bar before I skated and then on my 18th mile tired PowerBar gel. I wanted to test it out before the marathon so I knew it wouldn't make me spew.

Luckily it worked, I got a little shaky but then it was just renewed energy. I had the stamina but my quads were killing me so I stopped at my seventh time around the lakes.

Best part though was this speed skater (who had the biggest calves ever) I was keeping up with for a short time passed me, and he said "You are skating very strong. You're a little power house"

MY LIFE IS AWESOME TODAY

2007-08-29T15:51:00.000-05:00

These were delivered to me at work. Can you hear me smiling from here?

20-something queries

2007-08-20T16:50:00.000-05:00

I don't know why because I am bordering on being closer to 30 than 20 that everyone needs to ask the same questions over and over. It's like high school graduation but more painful and neverending. At least I had an answer to "where are you going to college and what are you majoring in?"

Is there anyone special in your life?
Of course there are a lot of "special" people in my life. I am just not waking up next to them. This question really means, "are you getting married soon like everyone else we know?" No, I am not. The prospect of me in a white dress and shoving cake into someone's mouth is less nauseating than it was a year ago but it still just makes me queasy. My favorite followup to this is "well, have you tried online dating?" Nothing wrong with some match.com but it's like saying "well you better do something soon before your eggs dry up."

Do you want to have kids someday?
I am only 24. 2.4. That's too young. I am still at the point of eating only toast and green beans for dinner because that's all I have and I am too lazy to go to the grocery store. Clearly, I am not ready to take care of another human being especially one that eats digusting things like strained peas.

Are you surviving winters up north?
Ok this isn't related to my age. But I haven't traveled anywhere without people commenting on what must be my great inner strength for not dying when it snows or is bitterly cold. The truth is we know how to do winter up here. My car does not but at least the streets are clear. No one's car does well when there are 10 inches of snow blocking your car door. And I still want to stay in bed rather than face the prospect of my face freezing off when I walk to my car. So I am surviving in a seasonal affective disorder kind of way.

Small towns

2007-08-08T12:58:00.000-05:00

I'm home in Kansas. I went to the grocery store in a wrinkled Cheerios t-shirt, pajama shorts and flip flops. On top of that I had no makeup, my hair was still wet and I looked generally white trash.

In the 10 minutes it took me to walk from my car, buy everything on the list for my mom and walk back to my car, I saw three people I knew. A family friend of a friend, a guy from high school and a guy from college.

Oy.

Very real

2007-08-03T10:19:00.000-05:00

I am used to (unfortunately) watching national tragedies play out on CNN. Usually I have been to the city, for a visit. Usually I am glued to the TV, online newspaper sites and blogs for at least a week. Reading the latest statistics, the causes for the tragedy, the investigations, the eye-witness reports.

But this time, I am watching it play out in the city where I live. On the bridge that I drive on at least four times a week. The route that takes me to Target, the grocery store, the airport, Twins games and home from work. I wasn't there when it happened, and it still seems like it's far away when I watch it on TV. But when I go home Sunday, it will all be very real.

By Sunday, everyone will be adjusting to the new traffic patterns after losing a main path through the city. Funerals will be scheduled. National news media will be starting to leave. But it will all be new to me. Seeing first hand that less than a mile from my apartment, just a few blocks from my work, a bridge just fell down. That's not supposed to happen.

Just a normal Target run...

2007-07-29T17:38:00.001-05:00

I go to this questionable Target because it's close to my apartment and the Interstate to get there isn't torn into pieces like the luxury Target shopping center north of me. I never leave the questionable Target or adjacent questionable grocery store without a story.

Location: Walking toward the cleaning supplies

Large man with dreds and shades: "Heeeeey there girl. You've got yourself some sexy legs."

Me: "Um, thanks"

Man: "Can you stop and talk to me for a minute. ... Too busy?"

Me: "Yeah, sorry."

Location: Checkout registers

Man: "Sure you don't want this number?" (pointing to his cell phone)

Me: "Yep, sure."

Man: "Come on. I want to give you some nigga love. I'll take care of you."

Funny how life works...

2007-07-16T16:37:00.001-05:00

Amazing how life can go from this:

and this:

and this:

to this:

in less than 8 hours.

The training begins

2007-06-30T09:48:00.000-05:00

I'm signed up for the North Shore Inline Marathon. Yes, 26.2 miles. It's the biggest inline marathon in the U.S. with 4,000 skaters along the shore of Lake Superior from Two Harbors to Duluth, Minnesota.

My goals are:

1. Don't fall.

2. Finish faster than my time in the St. Paul marathon last year.

Why everyone should hate Rupert Murdoch

2007-06-30T09:44:00.000-05:00

Sleeping patterns

2007-06-27T12:03:00.000-05:00

11 p.m. I am tired, I should go to bed.

Midnight: Ok, really going to bed now.

12:30 a.m.: Oh my god, I can't breathe. I have now sneezed 400 times in a row, snot is dripping down my face and my throat is closing up. I am going into anaphalytic shock for sure. I wonder how long it will take for someone to find me dead.

1 a.m. Moving to the couch where there is less cat hair, more circulation. Get clean sheet, breathe through wet washcloth on face which is more succesful than the two Benadryl I have now taken.

5:45 a.m. WHY AM I AWAKE? There's a phone alarm going off. Nope, not my phone. It sounds like it's in this room though. What's going on? Why has it been going off for five minutes?

5:55 a.m. It's going off again. What's happening and why can't I think clearly? Look for old phone on the off chance it hasn't lost battery in a month without being used or turned on and somehow its alarm is going off. Pull all couch cushions off looking for mystery phone. Put ear against wall to see if it's my neighbors. Look in drawers of entertainment center. Obviously still heavily under the influence of Benadryl. Suddenly feel like I am in an Edgar Allen Poe story.

6 a.m. What is that sound? Crap, the power just went out despite the fact there is no lightning, thunder, rain, wind, tornados. I just read an article about squirrels getting caught in the wires and killing power. God, I hate squirrels. This means my fans are off. It's like 90 degrees already, and I have no air conditioning. I am just going to get up and go to work.

6:02 a.m. Oh my god. What's that sound? It's louder than a car alarm. Sounds like a security breach of some kind. Pretty sure no one is breaking into that shady bar at this hour.

6:03 a.m. Seriously consider that loud alarm is probably a carbon monoxide alarm. Remember that I have my own carbon monoxide detector but suddenly can't remember if I have put batteries in it since I moved 1.5 years ago. Consider going out into hallway to see if anyone else in my building seems concerned. Decide too tired/drugged to move. Would rather just die peacefully from CO poisoning.

6:04 Loud car alarm and phone alarm of unknown origin going off at same time.

6:07 a.m. Phone alarm

6:09 a.m. Car alarm

6:13 a.m. Both alarms

6:18 a.m. Still both alarms. Why does God hate me?

7:45 a.m. My own phone alarm, electricity back, fans going.

8:40 a.m. Arrive at work. Speech still slightly slurred from Benadryl.

Thin walls

2007-06-23T13:17:00.000-05:00

The walls in this hotel are very thin and therefore I now know everything about the girl's life who is in the room next to me. If I were to meet her in person, I would promptly punch her in the face.

1. She hates her parents. She has "every right" to come visit her birthplace and not see them. Fuck, she could have been in London right now. She will "never ever ever come back here again" unless she stays in a hotel. This hotel by the way is the most beautiful hotel she has "EVER" stayed in "EVER."

2. She tried to commit suicide and was in a hospital bed and her parents didn't even bother to come see her even though she should have been dead. I mean, "they had a chance to save their daughter's life!"

3. Everyone talks about how insane her family is. No one can stand her mother.

4. She's 42. But talks like she's 13. Seriously. I mean, seriously! Like, whatever.

5. She steals hotel robes. She requests a second robe be brought up for a friend and then she steals one and "they never know!"

O'Hare Observations

2007-06-22T09:54:00.000-05:00

I broke my cardinal rule for living in using alliteration in the title of this blog. At least it makes sense, unlike the new Manhattan Marketplace in my hometown. Marketplace implies charming or a market like atmosphere where people browse fresh veggies while sipping coffee on a warm Saturday morning. Either that or a Mexican market where you are aggressively bartering for cheap crap that you will of course immediately throw in the garage sale box upon return to the U.S. But this "marketplace" includes box stores (Best Buy) and... well, that's it right now. Furthering proving my point that the title of the shopping center was chosen soley for the cutesy coincidence of "look, they both start with M!"

My bag got searched this morning b/c they saw "wires and a time device" or from a more layperson's mind, a computer cord and watch. I oh so desperately wanted to make a bomb joke especially after the top-notch security man couldn't find my "time-keeping device" and concluded "well, you can go. You don't look like trouble." National security at its finest. Note to terrorists: Young, short women dressed professionally and carrying bright blue suitcases. The key to your next plot.

None of the above writing was even about O'Hare. That's what alliteration does to a person.

Back at the airport

2007-06-14T09:33:00.000-05:00

This should just be a airport blog. The only time I can write I am in the airport waiting and waiting.

Right now there are about 20 eighth graders experimenting with their cell phone rings. Their chaperone, a large older man, is loudly telling this story about a plane being late. It's not an interesting story at all. A plane? Delayed? At O'Hare? What a ridiculous fantasy. He also just referred to the word "fuck" as the "F flipper."

Now they are surrounding me and taking pictures of each other but they do have to occasionally pause to check their text messages which keep beeping every five seconds.

If they are next to me on the plane, I am jumping out the window. I'll take my chances.

I heart New York

2007-06-05T08:14:00.000-05:00

Highlights from my weekend in NYC where I am having a hard time not living.

1. The best sushi I've ever had topping my previous best in Portland. Sushi Haru on the Upper East Side. Salmon that melts in your mouth. Yum.

2. Trying on dresses on the UES where the ladies compliment you and make you feel gorgeous only to tell them you can't afford their $300 sundresses and have them suddenly turn into snobby bitches.

3. Staying out til 5 a.m. and seeing the sun rise while eating grilled cheese in a Bronx diner.

4. Having a Bronx 8th grader ask if I was M.'s sister because all white people look alike.

5. Tasti D Light chocolate pudding frozen yogurt with rainbow sprinkles.

6. Trying to decide if I am in the mood for Korean, Thai, Greek, Mexican, Italian or diner food... or if I want to walk to the next block.

Loooooove it.

This is not your personal office

2007-06-01T09:26:00.000-05:00

I am sitting at the airport waiting to go to New York to see M., and there is an asshole across from me in the seating area on his phone headset. He is balancing his laptop on one knee and a notebook on the other. He is talking LOUDLY and in a tool-like manner saying things like "The tasks, Chuck, are fundamentally the same..." or "Chuck, I'll arrange a meeting with the principles in this deal." If that was annoying enough, he's excessively gesticulating.

I want to punch him in the face. This is not his personal office and everytime he motions with his chubby hands, it makes me want to reach out and slap them. The guy next to me just saw me staring this guy down, chuckled and signed really loudly.

Also, he's wearing New Balance tennis shoes, oatmeal colored jeans and a blue patterned shirt. Oddly though, his fingernails are clean and manicured and his beard is really well groomed.

"You bet, Chuck. You bet."

Bizarre racism

2007-05-27T20:24:00.000-05:00

So Jo and I are walking down my street to my car and two black girls are in front of us talking about getting into an apartment by fumbling for keys and then hoping someone lets them in. At some point, one girl says something about "white girls." She turned around to us and said "Sorry, no offense to you girls." We smiled and we all keep walking down the street.

Then, at the corner, she turns around and says "I feel like I need to justify that comment. It's not like I am racist. It's just... I don't know... like you're the police." What?

If I would have said something like that, I would have gotten punched in the face.

The world at 5 a.m.

2007-05-24T08:30:00.000-05:00

I had to take a friend to the airport this morning at 4 a.m. so I ended up just staying awake and being productive. I like the world a whole lot better at 5 a.m. Who knew?

There is no one on the interstates eliminating any road rage, excessive use of the blinker and the eventual merge.

There are crazy people (at least 20) lined up outside the gym waiting for it to open. I got there three minutes before it opened but these people obviously have this as part of their morning ritual. Why not just wait in your car instead of in a line in the rain? Still, I appreciate them for their intense dedication/insanity.

The ghetto discount grocery store is mostly free from shoppers that make me want carve my cucumber into a point for protection if anyone approaches my cart. Also I get to watch the manager go through sour cream containers already on the shelves and smell them. Luckily I don't ever buy sour cream because if I did, that would be the last time.

Coffee tastes a lot better when you've already been up five hours and you are so tired you keep forgetting where you are.

Overcoming fears

2007-05-19T02:10:00.000-05:00

I am not a rollercoaster person. I have never technically been on one. The only rides I would ride at the county fair were the ferris wheel ... and well that's about it. I hate the tilt-a-whirl and the one time I rode the spinny, fast moving red thing, I cried and had a mini panic attack. I was 17.

Today I got free passes to go to Disneyland and the connecting adventure park. I did the Grizzly Water Run which was mildly out of my comfort zone because it included getting wet and some fairly big drops. We walked over to the new rollercoaster and I could feel my stomach at my ankles as I watched the cars spin around, upside down, in the outline of the Mickey face. I can imagine my neck snapping and my internal organs coming up in my throat. That one is eliminated because of the upside down action.

So we meander throughout the park and end up at the Tower of Terror. Me, thinking to myself: "No effing way. I have never and never will do something this scary." My plan is to stand in line and then bail out at the last second to watch. So at least I could say I almost did but not actually have the horrifying experience. The thing is, I kept looking at the other people in line and thinking they looked like a bunch of wimps and I was definitely much braver than them. While analyzing all of this, I forgot to bail.

After some stories about the Twlight Zone and a long drawn out process to make everyone incredibly antsy, you board an elevator which takes you to another elevator shaft where you sit down and they double check your seat belt and make you tighten it. It goes slow at first as the elevator creeps up. You see yourself disappear in the mirror like a ghost and all is fine. Then you start dropping random distances. Absolute free falling and stop, then falling again. Then you climb all the way back to the top, the doors open so you can see how high you are and then you just fall. 13 stories at 39 mph.

Scariest thing I have ever done. Hands down. My hands were still violently shaking 10 minutes later.

Sometimes I feel like my life is one big Tower of Terror ride. The feeling though, when the doors open, you take off your seatbelt and the doors open to a much safer place and you think "Oh my god, I think I made it," might be worth the terrifying, mind-erasing, paralyzing fear.

1^%$gt4e@#&

2007-05-16T12:52:00.000-05:00

Boss: "Why didn't you share these documents with me?"

Me: "You're the one who gave them to me."

Boss: "Why didn't you copy them so I had a copy for this meeting?"

Me: "You are holding them in your hand right now. Why would I copy them?"

Boss: "OK, I will go make copies."

Me: "What? We both already have copies."

You can't even make this shit up.

Play pen

2007-05-15T09:16:00.000-05:00

I parked right by the door today which means everyone who walks into the building can see what's inside my car if they are even half as nosy as me. This is what they would find:

- Two Shrek dolls from McDonalds Happy Meals
- A Sponge Bob Square Pants candy dispenser
- Melted chocolate eggs from Easter
- One running shoe
- Lots of sweaty socks from rollerblading
- A cat toy
- White tank top
- Starbucks cup
- Lots of bills

OH.MY.GOD.

2007-05-03T15:41:00.000-05:00

http://www.fortwayne.com/mld/journalgazette/17172298.htm

"But as a Christian, he said, he also can’t deny that some actions are sinful, and sometimes it’s appropriate for a school board to comment on those issues.

“If there’s a lot of breakdown and problems in the schools, and much of those problems you could relate to the breakdown in the family, then anything that breaks the family structure down I think is not conducive to good learning,” Allgeier said."

WHAT? Are these homosexual students having sex in the middle of class? Because really that's the only way I could see being gay would be in the way of good learning.

The GRE and other useless knowledge

2007-04-27T09:33:00.000-05:00

I'm taking the GRE at the end of the summer. At least that was the plan before I found out that I am really stupid, and definitely NOT smarter than a fifth grader. Note: I would never actually watch that god forsaken show with Jeff Foxworthy.

So like a good student, something I never was past 10th grade, I buy the Kaplan books for GRE overall test and math workbook. I start with the vocabulary section because usually words triumph over numbers in my brain, and I want to ease into this. WRONG. I get to words like this: speulchral, novitiate and vituperate. The first word reminds me of scepetor, which reminds me of a king holding a long stick. Second word? Looks like novia in Spanish, which means girlfriend. Vituperate means nothing to me.

New plan: Make flashcards with five new words everyday that I will learn to use in sentences for the rest of my summer. After yesterday's cards, I can do this:

Sarah will never be an ERUDITE graduate student. The mean boy ADULTERATED the innocent girl. The GRE test is an ENIGMA to me.

I would write about the fact that I can't even freaking add fractions let alone know what to do with exponents but I have to make more flashcards.

Missing college

2007-04-21T01:03:00.000-05:00

I am home this weekend and for the first time in two years, I miss college. Not everything just small things like feeling the same thing as 22,000 people whether it is the stress of finals or the excitement of a home football game. I miss the way a Mac mouse feels in my hand, scanning through newspaper pages looking for errors.

I miss the way my bare feet feel running down the hill of my driveway at night to get something from my car. I miss walking to my car at 1 a.m. when campus is empty but in the distance you can still hear people yelling or music playing.

I miss the crappy wood floors of the newsroom. I miss the purple fridge and the STD-infested leather couch. I miss looking at the clock, seeing it is 11:30 p.m. and thinking it was so early.

Then I miss some big things like knowing what I want to do for the rest of my life and not being jaded by the reality of how all those ideals are going to play out when the real world gets involved.

Being at home is just as unsettling as it is comfortable because I ache for the things I wish I had done, had another year to see how they would turn out or just that time in my life that is just a big memory.

Better than home

2007-04-10T14:48:00.000-05:00

So iHomes are the coolest things about new hotels. Not only do I get to listen to my own music but my ever-so-hard-to-charge iPod Nano is being charged round the clock.

The most uncool thing about new hotels are Murphy beds. I walked into my "parlor room" and couldn't find my freaking bed only to discover it was hidden in the wood cabinet. It's small, but so am I so I won't complain. Plus I have a couch, full-size fridge, dining room table and flat screen TV. It all makes up for the random bed-in-wall trick.

Where I have been

2007-04-09T17:59:00.001-05:00

What I've Been Doing
Working a lot. I wish I could say I did amazing and wonderful things while in the many fun cities I have been to in the last two months like Portland, New York City, Washington D.C. But it's all a blur of stress, frustration, wonder, indecision and more stress.

What I've Been Listening To
James Morrison's Undiscovered album, Josh Radin and Natalie Merchant

What I've Been Eating
I've had tomato soup and grilled cheese three times this week. Trader Joe's makes really good organic tomato soup. I buy the soup then add in pesticides and chemicals just to prove I am not a hippy.

What I've Been Thinking
I am currently entertaining the thought of curling up under my desk into a little ball until the world seems safe enough for me to be in it again.

What I've Been Reading
My Shape magazine although I think people judge me while I read it on the treadmill like "you really think you could have Kelly Ripa's body? Ha." I don't really think I can get a "perfect bikini body" by June 1. Let's be realists, people.

What I've Been Dreaming
I don't dream while in a Benadryl-induced sleep. The minute I start dreaming while taking Benadryl I will switch to meth.

What I've Been Watching
Twins games, Lewis Black standup on YouTube, West Wing Season One dvds.

What I've Been Predicting
One of these days spitting fire out of my mouth won't just be a threat, but will become a reality.

What I've Been Plugging
Exercise. I can't make myself go to the gym everyday but everyday that I do go, the world seems a lot less antagonistic toward me. If Minnesota weather cooperated a bit more I might be able to actually go everyday but snow is still in the forecast here.

I miss my mommy

2007-04-06T15:52:00.000-05:00

Blizzard, Day Two

2007-03-02T09:54:00.000-06:00

I am supposed to drive home to Kansas today but I-35 is closed right now. Stupid snow.

This is what it looked like when I stepped out my front door at 7 a.m. Official count 11.3 inches as of 6 a.m., blizzard warning til 6 p.m. today. That's on top of the foot of snow from last weekend.

Blizzard!

2007-03-01T20:54:00.000-06:00

This is snow, not fog at 3 p.m. Thursday

While watching Grey's

2007-02-22T23:43:00.000-06:00

M: "So, what's new with you girls?"

T: "I'm a lesbian."

E: "I'm a whore"

S: "Yeah, so nothing new."

Little Sarah again

2007-01-28T10:35:00.000-06:00

At a Friendly's diner in Carlisle, Penn.

Hostess: Do you want a regular menu or a kid's menu?

Me: "What?"

Hostess: "Oh, or are you..."

Me: "Old?"

Hostess: "Oh sorry! You're just so tiny."

Next day, in hotel breakfast area. I am making a waffle using the waffle iron that has a sign next to it that says you have to be 16 to use the iron.

Hotel woman: "Honey, are you 16?"

WTF?

Spoiled weekend

2007-01-15T20:08:00.000-06:00

3 days sleeping past 10:30 a.m.
1 order of room service
7 visits to the concierge lounge for free appetizers and drinks
3 nights of drinking
4 episodes of The Office
1 visit to the Kennedy Center
1 visit to a gay bar
1 time being mistaken for a middle school student
2 dinners of sushi
1 bumped flight in exchange for 1 roundtrip ticket, 2 first class seats and 1 food voucher

= a great weekend in DC

Year in Review

2006-12-29T11:39:00.000-06:00

January: Interviewed for current job and accepted offer after seeing church sign that said "Take this job and enjoy it." (Remember this) Talked to every moving company imaginable before driving my own freaking U-Haul. Vowed to not move again for a few years. Found hilariously small apartment to live in.

February: Annoying boy bought me milk which at the time was suffocating beyond belief but quickly became the fodder for many a joke. This episode came along with a four page, typed letter about the gloriousness of my lips, smell and overall aura.

March: Molly the Mustang was buried under snow. Had a ball in New York, went to Avenue Q the most hilarious puppet show ever. Went to LA where our keynote speaker's speech was interrupted by her cell phone ring "Since you've been gone..." by Kelly Clarkson.

April: Went to emergency room where nurse screwed up my IV and I spurted blood all over my sheets. After nurse shift change, they lost my jar of pee. It all would have been better if I were in an episode of Grey's Anatomy. Later that month, had a night like this: "We could have just done shots of vodka, and it would have tasted better than this." Went to San Francisco.

May: Became a celebrity at Starbucks. Had a tube shoved down my throat. Said goodbye to MK.

June: Bosses got fired. Rachel turned 21, threw up in a cab and woke up still drunk. Attempted to save lives by giving blood but rejected because of lack of iron.

July: Spent a week in a frantic mess with high school kids. Reached 21-mile mark in my rollerblade training. Was accused of being anorexic by my new boss I had just met.

August: Went to DC. Began to hate my boss to the point I hated coming to work. Started doing new part of my job which I had no idea what to do. Rollerbladed marathon in 2:06.

September: Went to St. Louis, Philly and Nashville for meetings. Was so busy I forgot to breathe occasionally.

October: Really, really, really busy. Convinced Detroit Tigers manager to give me tickets to the World Series. AWESOME. Visited Haley in NC and drank a lot of sweet tea. Lost eight pounds in a week.

November: Turned 24. Watched the Dems win everything. Went to Nashville, found more reasons to hate my job. Cried a lot. Spent Thanksgiving in Mexico and got some perspective on life.

December: Went to Portland for meetings. Rest of the month was a blur except for black X's counting down days on my calendar. Determined that "take this job and enjoy it" time had passed.

I had a dream...

2006-12-18T14:43:00.000-06:00

After struggling to fall asleep last night for hours, I was rudely awakened by my alarm in the middle of a dream. I was at a museum type place where Thomas Jefferson resided. Not a portrait of him or pictures of the slave he slept with, but the actual Thomas Jefferson. The man.

Naturally, I wanted to meet him. Wouldn't you? His assistant told me that he rarely agrees to meet with people anymore because he's so old. But after hearing about my First Amendment court case, he agreed to meet me! I went into a room and there sat Thomas Jefferson, white wig and in a wheelchair. It gets a little fuzzy but his quote about having a free press rather than the government if he had to choose was part of our conversation. At one point I was crying, and he was hugging me.

I am impressed with my subconcious mind to link the First Amendment, Jefferson and a popular quote. However, beyond the analogy that I am more intelligent than I thought, I've got nothing.

However, I did learn one of my friends was Thomas Jefferson in a previous life or so her eighth-grade soul told her.

Thus concludes the weirdest morning ever.

Take out the trash

2006-12-13T17:10:00.000-06:00

Whenever I stay past 5 p.m. at work, the trash guy comes to empty my overflowing trash can. At first I said "hi" or "thanks," but after he never responded, I stopped. Instead, I have to concentrate on my computer screen, which today was being extremely interested in the 10-day forecast. I imagine if we actually did have a conversation it'd go something like this:

Me: "Thanks for cleaning up after me."

Trash man: "No problem. I get paid a whole six bucks to pick up your waste."

Me: "Yeah..sorry that I am too lazy to break down those boxes so that you actually have to balance them on top of the can as you roll down the hall."

TM: "It's actually more annoying when you drink 3/4 of a can of 7Up and then throw it away and it ends up spilling all over my snazzy uniform."

Me: "You think that's bad? How do you feel about the Lean Cuisines that not only spill but smell like teriyaki."

TM: "Yum, teriyaki."

Me: "Same place, same time tomorrow? "

TM: "Like I have a choice."

I love the doctor's office

2006-11-30T10:13:00.000-06:00

Nurse: "You're having symptoms?"

Me: "I was in Mexico last week, and I've been getting sicker since I got back so I just wanted to see if I should come in yet."

Nurse: "Oh, so you think maybe you're having a reaction to a medicine?"

Me: "What? No."

A different kind of Thanksgiving

2006-11-26T16:58:00.000-06:00

Train of thought

2006-11-17T14:06:00.000-06:00

What I thought about today:

"Nope, not getting up."

"Ugh, how late could I call into work? 10, 10 sounds good. I'll email."

"Why am I always so tired?"

"Why do I never do laundry but still have clothes to wear? I should give some to poor kids."

"I could use my gift certificates to Express and Banana Republic and give MORE clothes to poor kids."

"I wonder why my boss is too tired to come to work but I have to drag my ass here."

"I had toast this morning, instant cappucino crap, this pizza Lean Cuisine is 400 calories...yeah, I don't care."

"Yes, I am still mad about that. I need a new job."

"I really don't like Indesign because you can't hold down the apple key and click and slide the page. I am sure there is a way to do it but I am too stubborn to find out. Bring back Quark!"

"Nov. 17 already? Really?"

"Do I want sushi tonight or Sunday? Rachel is making me pick the main dish for Saturday's dinner. I am going to marry a chef."

"If I live in NYC, could I have someone do my laundry. No, I'd be too poor. But, would I rather have clean laundry or cable?"

"When am I going to tell someone that the ethernet port on my new laptop is broken. Hmm, not today."

Yay, Dems!

2006-11-08T10:37:00.000-06:00

As you all can see, mainly someone's brother, my Democrats are far superior to your gun-toting, gay-hatin' Repubs.

Why I love election season

2006-11-06T15:23:00.000-06:00

- The Green party sign: Since late last week, there are people standing on the corner of my block with a massive cardboard sign that says "Support the Green Party." No candidate specifically just general support. Man, I hope they take the Senate!

- Live from New York... It's the Daily Show. Live! Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert!

- Minneapolis Mayor Rybak called my cell phone this weekend urging me to vote for..someone. Surely a Democrat. He talked to me like we were buddies though. I have expected him to end the convo with "peace out" but I hung up before he could get to that point.

- Campaign ads: This is the first time I have lived in a contentious state during election season. I can't get enough of the TV ads which inform me that every candidate running for office is a lying sack of shit and should be burning in the fires of hell. Vote, Tuesday!

- Predictions: I eat them up. I listened to NPR all day. Last night I watched two people fighting on MSNBC about whether the Dems would take five seats or four. They need six, so I have no idea why it even matters if they get less than that. My prediction? Dems will take every Senate seat up for grabs and there will be so much cutting and running Fox News will actually implode.

Funny baby

2006-11-05T23:08:00.000-06:00

Rarely do I think children are funny, but OH MY GOD this is hilarious:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P6UU6m3cqk

On turning 24

2006-11-03T14:43:00.000-06:00

I'm OK with 24, but the fact my next birthday is 25 is not really OK with me because I think that's the first birthday where I will feel older. Last night I went to happy hour and bowling with friends. Interesting combination. My first score was a studly 129. A couple of beers and tequila shots later, my second game's score was 61. Whoops... I woke up at 2:15 a.m. laying halfway on my bed, fully clothed and paranoid that my car had been towed. So, I got up to change to pajamas, brush my teeth and check on my car which is parked in a bar (not the one I actually was at) parking lot behind my apartment.

This morning I had to force myself to go to work completely hungover and three hours later choke down flour-less chocolate cake with my co-workers. Just what an alcohol-damanged stomach needs - a crap ton of fudge.

In conclusion, 24 must not be the age where I become a responsible adult.

Ouch

2006-10-25T23:11:00.000-05:00

My feet hurt.

Shoes

2006-10-23T23:01:00.000-05:00

For my week long trip I had to pack a suitcase of clothes and a bag of shoes. I rarely even pack enough clothes so having to pack two bags is annoying to me. Usually I get to my destination and realize I cannot count how many days I will be gone and therefore pack for a weekend when I am staying a month.

This time though, due to the fact I will be walking miles around a hotel everyday, had to pack different shoes for everyday. Each pair gives me a blister in a different place. Walking in heels is warfare.

Dressing up is good for me, though. My patience meter for people ordering me around and talking to me like I am four is an unstable two when I am wearing jeans but jumps to an eight when I have on a suit. Oh the mysteries of life.

Lyrics of the week

2006-10-16T22:36:00.000-05:00

After years of expensive education
A car full of books and anticipation
I'm an expert on Shakespeare and that's a hell of a lot
But the world don't need scholars as much as I thought
Maybe I'll go travelling for a year
Finding myself, or start a career
Could work the poor, though I'm hungry for fame
We all seem so different but we're just the same
Maybe I'll go to the gym, so I don't get fat
Aren't things more easy, with a tight six pack
Who knows the answers, who do you trust
I can't even seperate love from lust
Maybe I'll move back home and pay off my loans
Working nine to five, answering phones
But don't make me live for Friday nights
Drinking eight pints and getting in fights
Maybe I'll just fall in love
That could solve it all
Philosophers say that that's enough
There surely must be more
Love ain't the answer, nor is work
The truth elludes me so much it hurts
But I'm still having fun and I guess that's the key
I'm a twentysomething and I'll keep being me

Beach bum

2006-10-12T13:57:00.000-05:00

Pictures from North Carolina:

This is the lake we went paddle boating on. Very pretty! Alligators too, but luckily they didn't eat me.

Yes, I am wearing a jacket, but the water was warm!

Someone's fault

2006-10-10T15:17:00.000-05:00

I appreciate taxes that help other people. But damnit, I don't want to pay them.

Minnesota has all these crazy rules for auto insurance all of which is costing me about $300 more every six months than my Kansas car insurance. Unfortunately, my car insurance company found out that indeed I do not live in sunny Kansas but instead in traffic-crazed, icy road Minnesota.

I have to pay for underinsured and uninsured drivers, no-fault insurance plus everything else including the fact I live in a big city, don't take the bus and park outside on the street. Oh yeah, and I drive a "muscle" car and am young. They care only a little that I have never been in a car accident or gotten more than a parking ticket.

It's nice Minnesota is such a progressive state. I enjoy the prevalance of a third, sometimes fourth political party, the organic grocery stores and no tax on food or clothes. I, however, am not amused that I have to pay for idiots that don't bother to get insurance or decide to run me over with their cars. Also not amused by the fact I am being punished for not wanting to live in the suburbs and be surrounded by Olive Gardens and Kmarts.

Step one: Get rid of Mustang.

Step two: Move.

Southern relaxation

2006-10-06T23:17:00.000-05:00

I'm in Wilmington, North Carolina aka Dawson's Creek central. I love this area of the country. So many trees, so green and so close to the ocean.

For the first time this week, I am headache and frantic free. Further proof that working a job is unhealthy, and I would be much happier just being a beach bum.

Plans for the weekend are to see sights from movies filmed here (it's called Hollywood East), eat lots of seafood, look longingly at the beach in the rain, shop, sleep in and enjoy a girls' weekend. And if I have to fly all the way to the South to get a weekend like this, I will.

Plus, if I say Louisville the right way here, they don't look at me funny. I originated as a Southern girl, after all.

At least I am not..

2006-10-04T22:33:00.000-05:00

Dennis Hastert.

What's in a nickname?

2006-10-04T12:59:00.000-05:00

Names I have been called by people I work "for:"

- Kiddo

- Buddy

- Girl

- Dear

And that was just this morning. Unfortunately I am not a 4-year-old. But man, I wish I was.

The Women of Philadelphia

2006-10-01T10:01:00.000-05:00

I'm in line at Starbucks this morning, which is in the lobby of my hotel, and this man/woman is behind me talking about Jerry Lewis and doing a strip tease in the middle of the night because she was too hot in her hotel room. She has a voice that makes it completely unable to distinguish if she's man or woman.

I finally can turn around to look when I get up to order my mocha and she is wearing red plaid pajama pants, a black faded t-shirt, extremely damaged blond hair that goes past her shoulders and looks as if she has neglected to brush it for months, unisex glasses and a weird face. Add all this to the weird voice.

As I am waiting for my drink, Josh II (Josh is my Starbucks pal in Minneapolis, not his real name, or could be, who knows?) catches me staring at this woman as she deeply chatters away. He says "hey, how are you today?" with this big I-caught-you grin on his face. I start laughing and say "oh good..." He goes back to making his drinks with a huge grin on his face as well as a head shake and laugh occasionally with a glance at me.

Note: While all this is happening, I am definitely wearing polka dot flip flops, navy pajama pants that could probably pass for daytime pants, a K-State windbreaker, no makeup and unbrushed hair. It remains to be seen whether Josh II was thinking "that girl looks like she just rolled out of bed and came to the lobby for wireless internet, who is she to judge" or whether he thought I was cute and hillllarious.

Room with a view

2006-09-23T18:13:00.000-05:00

Here's the view from my hotel room balcony. It's looking inside to the Cascades area which is just a very small section of the hotel. The large indoor area is in the Delta section of the hotel which has actual buildings inside the building. There is a food court area, "outdoor" Italian restaurant, a river with boat ride.

Perhaps I will take more pictures later if I stop being lazy.

Moving on up

2006-09-21T21:28:00.000-05:00

Our case was accepted by the U.S. Court of Appeals. Oral arguments in November. Yay!

What happens when I get stressed

2006-09-19T12:09:00.000-05:00

1. Lose my car. Not my keys, my car. Yesterday I had a meeting and had to park in this massive underground parking ramp. I knew I was on Level E. Yet, it took me a good 10 minutes to find where on Level E my car was.

2. I wake up wanting to vomit and continue this feeling til about 3 p.m. It's called, I probably I have Crohn's but no one will diagnose me with anything but "well..."

3. Write excessively in my planner including things like my flight numbers. Why would I ever need to know my flight numbers?

4. Start taking pills like my chemo pills, Tylenol PM or cocaine.

5. Talking myself out of going to the gym or sleep through my alarm that's waking me up to go to the gym.

6. Begin living in a pigsty, wearing clothes I hate because the ones that are OK are dirty and eating things that only come in plastic cups like pudding or jello because I don't want to do dishes.

7. Wear tennis shoes, jeans and sweatshirts. Note: Sweatshirts. Stupid Minnesota.

Why I would prefer to work with polar bears

2006-09-13T10:51:00.000-05:00

1. Polar bears do not bitch, moan or complain even though I think they have plenty of reason to seeing as how they live in the Artic.

2. They understand the concept of tranferring to voicemail if someone is not at their desk. They do not take messages on paper mainly because their massive paws prevent them from writing so they are forced to just hit the transfer button.

3. Since they are unable to do anything but pace in circles (assuming they live in a zoo) or swim in ice cold water, they think you're a goddess for doing all that you do.

4. They could growl with me for necessary stress relief.

5. They could eat the construction men that are tearing up the parking lot five feet from my window, rattling the windows and floors causing nausea.

Five years

2006-09-11T20:56:00.000-05:00

Five years ago today I was taking a test in my 8:05 Intro to Mass Communications class in Waters Hall. I was a freshman in college. I took the test and since I got out early, Nicole and I went to the Union to get breakfast and saw everyone crowded around TVs. I saw some Collegian reporters starting to arrive, asking questions. I went back to my dorm only to return immediately to the newsroom to spend the day copy editing and helping with a timeline. I emailed my mom and told her it was "crazy" around here.

I watched TV for days. I cried about a week later while I was driving around listening to the radio. I didn't know anyone in New York and didn't even know anyone who knew someone affected by it directly.

Today, I am in Saint Louis for a business meeting. I flew this morning, at a time five years ago when the towers were collasping, and the only notable changes were I had to take off my shoes, there are more cops, and I had to throw away my lip gloss. I was nervous before I flew but only because it was the anniversary. I have flown on dozens of planes in the last five years and never flinched. I can't really remember anymore what it was like when "9/11" wasn't a buzz word, and CNN actually reported on news that wasn't related to terrorism.

It's my generation's unifying event. But yes, I am sick of hearing about it. I am sick of the war. I am sick of reading "how we have changed" articles. I am sick of politicans fighting about the memorial. I am sick of it.

But that doesn't mean when I read the NY Times "Portraits of Grief" updates this morning that I didn't cry while sitting in the back of an airplane.

Funny WTC ads

2006-09-08T11:01:00.000-05:00

http://copyranter.blogspot.com/2006/09/who-cares-where-we-were.html

"Yeah, I was at the gym, and it was the first time EVER that I benchpressed 225, so it was like I KNEW something big was happening. I've never been able to get 225 again. Man, I'll always remember that rep—and, yeah, also those 3,000 dead people."

Something I do like about the Midwest

2006-09-08T09:54:00.000-05:00

This morning I went to the gourmet grocery store to get the cake for my co-worker's birthday. While standing in line to check out, an employee came by, noticed my cake was blank and said "Oh, honey, let me have someone write on that for you!" She walked back to the bakery with me, got someone to write Happy Birthday on it and then walked back to the front with me to open a new register and check me out.

Then I went to Starbucks and the employees were talking in Southern accents and joked with me about how I picked the wrong day to come there because they were all being weird. They were actually enjoying their job and on my way out they all smiled and said have a nice day.

There are nice people everywhere but we seem to breed more of them in the middle of the country.

I will still love Thursday despite all this

2006-09-07T16:13:00.000-05:00

Thursday is my favorite day of the week. It has the anticipation of Friday but not quite the urgency of Friday when there is no tomorrow to get work done. However, it seems that the stupidest people have decided to attempt to ruin my perfect day, and I just can't let that happen.

I have had this phone call greeting at least ten times today:

"This is Sarah"
"Sarah"
"Yep, this is Sarah"

RIDICULOUS.

Also this email strain:

Email #1 from Bob: When will the awards be announced?
Email #2 from me: On this date
Email #3 from George replying to MY email: When will the awards be announced?

Also I have to buy a cake for tomorrow for a co-worker's birthday. When I am the most motherly figure in the office who remembers these things, there has to be serious problems considering I once made a list of reasons to have children which included tax breaks and someone to do the chores.

10 minutes ago...

2006-08-28T20:17:00.000-05:00

Guys in car smoking: "Hey there, can you tell us how to get to Hennepin Avenue?"

Me: "Yeah, two blocks that way."

Guy #1: "You have a nice car."

Me: " I know, I like it, too."

Guy #2: "My buddy wants to know where in your pants street is."

Me: "We don't have streets like that around here."

Guy #1: "How about panties (giggle, giggle)"

Me: "Have a nice night alone."

Character flaws

2006-08-25T14:05:00.000-05:00

According to the ever so trustworthy Wikipedia: A character flaw is a limitation, imperfection, problem, phobia, or deficiency present in a character who may be otherwise very functional.

Because my workplace environment is driving me into a self-deprecating mood, here are my character flaws:

1. Antsyness - I am always antsy. Especially on gray, rainy Fridays. I am continually in a state of almost content to downright toe-tapping anxious. I want to live on the East Coast. I want to find a job that doesn't frequently involve me wanting to stab myself in the face. I want to have a boyfriend who is obligated to entertain me when I am bored, rub my feet when they hurt after skating and make me dinner when everything in my fridge looks gross. Also, I could use a new car.

2. Fidgetyness - Probably because of No. 1. However, right now I am twirling my flip-flop on the my big toe while kicking the other foot back and forth under my desk, sucking on my Smart Water bottle and ever so often squeezing Marvin the Martian stress man to death. I also highlight everything when I read it online, but usually not the words I am actually reading. Sometimes to prevent my fidgeting, I sit on my right leg, which also has the added benefit of making me taller. I also cut up things if scissors are in sight, tear apart styrofoam cups or rip paper into shreds.

3. Sunlight - I need it. If I don't get it, I am driven to write blogs like this. Why God didn't just drop me on the equator I will never figure out. Maybe it's the whole AIDS, famine thing.

4. Eye rolling - I can't help it. My eyes have a mind of their own. They just roll around like they are in a big jar.

5. Ignoring - When things get too complicated, I ignore them and pretend they either aren't happening or that I really don't care. Not big important things but just annoying small things with friends, boys or life. It probably makes me a little absent from the real world but if I hold out long enough and ignore it, it either goes away or is no longer worth thinking about. Like how I just stop answering my phone when certain names pop up or block email addresses from my account. This routinely happens when I get suffocated like for example if someone was to try and buy me milk.

Proof

2006-08-24T21:00:00.000-05:00

See, I really did it. I swear!

A Real Marathoner

2006-08-20T17:33:00.000-05:00

My goal going into the St. Paul inline skating marathon (26.2 miles) was first to finish and then second to get under three hours. I had done 21 miles in a little more than two hours.

Starting out I ate a Cliff bar right before which made me really antsy. I started right before 8 a.m. in Open Wave 2. The first part was the hardest and there were several gradual inclines that made it harder especially since they were in areas that there were no cheering spectators, which makes a huge difference. I did see a wheel on the side of the road, a few people getting medical attention, heard about several falls and a guy throwing up.

The end was a huge hill that definitely caused some moaning and groaning but my everyone was yelling and ringing cowbells so it wasn't as bad as I was anticipating.

Official time: 2:06. YES!

I went to lunch with my very supportive friends and came home and slept. When I woke up, my whole body was on fire, and I had a huge headache. I am sure it'll be a few days of recovery or maybe a few weeks ... but the next marathon is Sept. 16 in Duluth so my body better heal fast!

Anyway, super cool day and one of the biggest things I've defintely done in awhile.

Recap

2006-08-18T18:41:00.000-05:00

Five good things that happened to me this week:
1. Was able to congratulate Jo on her new job.
2. Went to the Guthrie with Edie
3. Found out the Starbucks guy didn't quit.
4. Bought spandex, a helmet and Cliff bars.
5. Made chocolate chip cookies.

Five bad things that happened this week:
1. Hated my boss.
2. A girl died outside my work making me ponder the meaning of life.
3. Hated my boss.
4. Decided I look like a freak in a helmet.
5. Cloudy and rainy for two days, making me fear winter.

Marathon is Sunday morning!

Waking dreams

You decide

The shift

25 on his 25th

One of THOSE mornings

I voted!

Dress shopping

One year

Poisonous gas

Who she is

Tina Fey reprise

I want that shirt.

Keep the camera charged!

More serious than someday

Emotion imbalance

Stomaching 'Sex'

Normalcy

On being saved

Convincing paranoia

Delayed appreciation

Growing pains

The Big Apple

My neighbors are rude and stalk me

Diets are bogus

Real love

Why I Voted for Obama

Christmas shopping

A Decade Earlier

How I Have Become a Housewife (without actually being a wife)

What happens when I am stressssed with four s's

Rice part of Nobel Prize-winning group - Today's News

Happy

Deja vu

Diamonds and pink

Marathon report

Fantasy moment

Rules for listservs

21 miles and counting

MY LIFE IS AWESOME TODAY

20-something queries

Small towns

Very real

Just a normal Target run...

Funny how life works...

The training begins

Why everyone should hate Rupert Murdoch

Sleeping patterns

Thin walls

O'Hare Observations

Back at the airport

I *heart* New York

This is not your personal office

Bizarre racism

The world at 5 a.m.

Overcoming fears

1^%$gt4e@#&

Play pen

OH.MY.GOD.

The GRE and other useless knowledge

Missing college

Better than home

Where I have been

I miss my mommy

Blizzard, Day Two

Blizzard!

While watching Grey's

Little Sarah again

Spoiled weekend

Year in Review

I had a dream...

Take out the trash

I love the doctor's office

A different kind of Thanksgiving

Train of thought

Yay, Dems!

Why I love election season

Funny baby

On turning 24

Ouch

Shoes

I heart New York